


The War in Albany

by ausblue2008



Category: Queen (Band), The War at Home, Undrafted (2016)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-10-21 11:03:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17641553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausblue2008/pseuds/ausblue2008
Summary: If you haven't watched The War At Home or Undrafted, I'm sorry, this ain't it chief.Kenny likes to write poetry. Larry likes to steal poems. Joe dissociates. Baseball players don't really like baseball. But most importantly, I know nothing about being a homosexual teenage boy. Let's not forget the definition of fiction shall we. Basically what we have here is Sledgefu fluff in an ominous dimension that might feel like a New York suburb, but with some new friends and added drama.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let it be known that this fic is a continuation of a 4 chapter war at home fic i found on this site. We leave off where Kenny was bullied in school and had to do some naughty things in the school bathroom. He unrealistically gets a week to himself at home and decides have a sleepover with Larry. They’re watching anime, and Larry thinks it is time to tell Kenny that he supposedly likes him more than just a best friend.

**** Larry’s POV ****

As soon as Larry decides to tell Kenny tomorrow, Kenny gets up from the couch.

 _Shit! Can he hear my thoughts?_ Larry wondered.

“Larry the anime ended 10 minutes ago and I’ve been asking you what you want to watch next. You zoned out again.” Kenny said.

“What really?”

“Yea. Is everything alright? Are you tired? We can go to bed now if you’re tired.”

 _Go to bed with Kenny? God I wish._ Larry wanted nothing more than for that anime to last forever. For Kenny’s precious head to still be in his lap. _Come on Larry._

“I’m just thinking about what happened today. Would you mind telling me what you said to Shawn?”

Kenny was startled. _Dammit! Did I say the wrong thing! Did I screw everything up?_

“Uhh...actually I’m a little tired, maybe some other time.” Kenny avoided the topic. _Come on Larry, use your brain for once. Whatever he said to Shawn, he obviously doesn’t want you to know. Stupid idiot, you can’t tell him now...you ruined the moment._

“Kenny wait. I’m sorry I mentioned it. You don’t have to tell me ok.”

“Thanks.” Kenny smiled. Larry might still have a chance.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t defend you. I’ll try better next time.” Larry tried to avoid silence at all cost.

“I appreciate it but don’t worry about me. Let’s get to bed.” Kenny started making his way upstairs.

_Dammit Larry! Tomorrow then._


	2. Our friendship or the poem, what'll it be?

**** Kenny’s POV ****

_Well that was certainly one of those awkward moments!_

Kenny ran up the stairs to avoid any further discussion about Shawn. It was probably the most humiliating thing to ever happen in his life. Besides, of course, being ridiculed by Larry for coming out to Dave before him. Kenny wanted to cry, but he had to get back to Larry. Once Larry was asleep he could cry and write in his journal like he does every night.

Kenny didn’t know how to settle the sleeping arrangements. When he lived in the Gold house he slept in their basement, not Kenny’s room. They never had a real sleepover. Should he let Larry sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the floor beside him? Should they both sleep on the floor? When they shared a motel room for their first convention, Dave made sure to give the boys separate beds. But Dave wasn’t here now. Would Larry even want to sleep in the same room as him? _Is that too gay?_ Ok, so...Larry sleeps on the couch and Kenny on the floor? That would defeat the purpose of Kenny’s bed then. He would ask Larry, he just needed an excuse to run away for a moment.

Kenny brought a pillow and a blanket down the stairs. “So uh, did you wanna sleep down here or in my room?”

“Uh, your room is fine.” Kenny’s eyeballs got bigger. _This is going better than expected._

“You can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Okay.”

The boys got situated and soon it was lights out.

“Hey Kenny I’ve been thinking…” _Larry...thinks? He’s capable of that? Oh God, what is he about to say?_

"Dylan has been talking to me at school lately. I don’t know if he’s told you.”

“No he hasn’t.”

“Well he said that he thinks you love me. And I just wanted to say...I think I feel the same way too. But if you don’t, please forget I ever opened my mouth. I’m sorry.”

“But Larry you’re straight.”

Silence.

Nothing but silence.

_There’s no way Larry’s in love with me, a dude. He’s the straightest boy I ever met in my entire life. He’s even straighter than Shawn, the jock._

_So, Dylan must be behind all of this. Heartbreaker Dylan. He probably threatened Larry into saying this to turn me against Larry. So he can have me all to himself. Isolate me from my best friend._

"Larry, are you saying this just to get me to confess that I like you? Has Dylan been threatening you?"

"No!" was all Larry could yell to defend himself. His face was turning red but Kenny couldn’t see it in the dark.

"Larry I just don't believe you." He had waited so long to hear these words, they couldn’t be real. _Right?_

"Please forget I ever mentioned Dylan. I thought you would be happy to hear this. But I was wrong about you. I'm sorry Kenny. I'll go home."

"No, don’t. You can't. Your parents will ask why you’re back so soon."

"You’re right. Fine I’ll go sleep on the couch."

Kenny wanted nothing but to be alone to sort this whole thing out. He cried himself to sleep. He didn't know Larry's intentions. Was Dylan really hurting Larry? Or was he telling the truth?

********

When Kenny woke up the living room was cleared. Larry had gone off to school alone. Kenny didn't really feel like going to school today. He would just be alone. Or worse. Looking around for Larry who was probably actively avoiding him. If the two of them were seen apart everyone would want to know what happened between the school's most iconic duo. So, he stayed home. _Is the school gonna call my parents?_ They aren't home. He wrote a poem in his journal. He went on gay chatrooms to have debates about the new season of Dragon Ball Z to feel less lonely.

About two hours pass and Kenny hears a door slam downstairs. An intruder? His parents? Coming to beat him for skipping school? Oh no. If Larry were here he would say it’s an alien abduction. Kenny grabbed his baseball bat. He crept down the stairs and ducked behind the kitchen counter. He’d never even used a baseball bat before. He has no chance winning any fight. Thank god there was no intruder.

"Larry?" Kenny calls out. He got out from behind the counter.

"Kenny? Why do you have a baseball bat? Are you trying out for the baseball team?"

"Oh. No..."  
Then, after the moment passed, Larry finally made the connection. _You’re late._

"Oh you were going to hit me? I mean uh. I guess I deserve it. After what happened last night."

"Larry don’t be ridiculous I wouldn't hit you on the head with a bat. No goodies would fall out."

Larry laughed. _Thank god we’re back to normal._ "Hey listen. I'm sorry. I have to tell you something."

"I'm listening."

"You remember that time I took your poem?"

"Oh yes, the worst day of my life thus far?" _A little too dramatic?_

"Yea, that one. Well today I went to our teacher and I told her what really happened. It's late I know."

"Larry! What happened?" _Why did he do this? Why now? What could he gain from it!_

"I told her I was ready to face the consequences. She said she was disappointed in me and that if I were her son she'd slap me. But she didn't because I'm not her son. Anyways I got sent to the principal and he called my parents and they yelled and all that good stuff. I'm suspended for the rest of the month blah blah blah. But the good news is that the school contacted the people in charge of the Young Writers Committee in Albany and they're going to give you your own ceremony."

Kenny was speechless. "Hold on one second." He ran upstairs and let out the most high-pitched shriek ever. Roger Taylor could never reproduce such a scream. The whole neighborhood probably heard it. Kenny was the happiest boy on Earth and he was about to combust. _ALBANY BABY!_

He ran downstairs and to hug Larry. Everything that happened between them since the first poetry incident was forgotten. All the tension from last night? Who is she? Kenny crashed into Larry so powerfully he knocked Larry onto the floor. _This is the bravest thing Larry has ever done in his life. Ever! Oh how I wish I could kiss him right now!_


	3. Critical Moment 1

****Larry’s POV****

 _Fuck! That hurt._ "Ouch" is what Larry said out loud when his cranium made contact with the hardwood floor. Kenny apologized, but didn’t move.

Not wanting Kenny to get off of him, not wanting to see Kenny any less happy than he was now, Larry works up the courage to say the smoothest line he ever practiced in his head.

"Kenny you said you had two dreams. One was to go to Albany. I believe this was the second one."

Knowing this might be the last time he's ever allowed to see Kenny again for a while, Larry pulled Kenny closer and kissed him. He didn't know whether Kenny would let it happen or jump off of him in disgust. He didn't care. This was it.

After a couple of seconds, Kenny broke the kiss to say, "Actually it was a little better in my dream."

_I’m on a roll. For once in my life. I won’t mess up this time. I’m gonna tell Kenny the truth._

"Kenny I don't think I'll be allowed to see you anymore. Not for a while. My dad hates me for lying. Mom won't talk to me. They feel really bad about what I did to you. But they did say they'll take you to Albany. Although, I'm not allowed back because I, you know. Have a fun time, alright?"

"Larry why did you do this? Why go through the trouble? It’s just a poem. I thought it was over. If I weren't scared shitless to submit my poetry I could have made it to Albany too."

"Because you suffer enough Kenny. For Spock’s sake you got kicked out of your own house for months! You get harassed endlessly in school by skanks like Shawn. You weren't allowed to go to the school dance with Dylan. You couldn't run for chess club president because it would turn people away. You don't deserve to be treated like you do, Kenny. I think you fucking deserve Albany!"

_Did I really just say that? Without stuttering? Goodness Gripes. If Kenny didn’t know my intentions last night he does now. Dylan wasn’t even around for the poem crisis. This is all me. It’s the only chance I have left to let Kenny know._

Kenny was speechless. He didn’t know how to react. "So this might be the last time I see you? You’re gonna be grounded forever then?"

"For now. I have no clue what my parents have in store for me. I haven't seen them since I left the principal’s office. I ran right back here."

For once, Kenny’s brain was late to the party.

"So you weren't lying last night when you said you-"

"Larry I know you're in there," Dave knocked on the door and entered the house, knowing Larry would never be wise enough to lock a door. _Shit! Dad get out. You’re ruining the most important moment of my life._

"Ay Kenny I'm sorry about everything this idiot has done to you. It won't happen again. I, uh, called your parents, and since they aren't here, I'll take you to Albany on Saturday. Walnut over here is banned from Albany of course."

_I am in so much trouble._

Startled, Kenny says, "I appreciate it so much Mr. Gold. Thank you for everything your family has done. Albany has been my dream for years."

"See ya around, Kenny." Dave says. He pulls Larry's arm. "Let’s go, you miserable coward you're gonna pay for this."

Then Larry was gone just like that. And so Kenny was alone again.

He wishes he had asked Mr. Gold about what will happen to Larry, but he seemed heated. Kenny wasn't about to argue with the man who was already in the mood to squeeze the love of his life into a pulp. Maybe Saturday he will be in a better mood.


	4. Albany babey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not worry about the laws of Aaron Tveit's existence. He's out here doing God's work in the Albanic dimension.

****Kenny’s POV****

A two and a half hour car ride with Larry’s parents and no Larry? _Torture._ But Larry would want Kenny to be happy on this day. He’s truly grateful. Kenny had been waiting for this moment ever since he wrote his first poem at age 7.

Kenny’s ceremony was part of the Albany town celebration in a convention center. There were other students getting a bunch of different awards. It made Kenny feel less alone. Kenny was the third student to get an award. They made him read the poem. He was nervous at first. It was a love poem for Larry. But Larry wasn’t there to hear it, so there was no pressure. Larry’s parents recorded it on a crappy digital camera so the moment could be immortalized.

Once the student awards were over, a local band got to perform on the main stage to provide background music for the unavoidable exchanging of congratulations between the student awardees and every single adult in the room.

Kenny went to sit with Larry’s parents. He got a few compliments from some strangers. People mostly congratulated Larry’s parents, mistaking them for Kenny’s own. Kenny sat and decided to watch the band on stage.

_These jocks will probably sing some emo punk songs probably._ Kenny really only listened to pop and Broadway show tunes. He surely wasn’t going to be impressed by a bunch of straight teenage boys with instruments.

“ _Is this the real life?_ ”

Kenny’s eyes opened wide. There was only one singer in the band. And he chose Bohemian Rhapsody? _How on Earth could one man alone sing Bohemian Rhapsody? This is gonna be terrible._

But it wasn’t. The piano? Perfect. The voice? _Certainly no rock god. The voice of an angel, perhaps._ Then, the lights went out. Another singer appeared. Then, a whole choir. Flashlights were going on and off, revealing new faces in new locations in the dark. Kenny was sweating. The crowd didn’t know what to do. This band was performing Bohemian Rhapsody in its entirety. Even the operatic section.

Kenny had never seen anyone perform the operatic section before. Not even Queen + Adam Lambert. _Who is this angel of music?_

Kenny just had to find out. He wanted nothing more but for his own poetry to be read back to him in that boy’s voice.

When the band was done performing, Kenny kept his eyeballs on the singer, afraid of losing him again amidst the chaos. The singer could probably zap to another room if he wanted. He followed the singer outside and kept his distance. After he put away his band’s equipment in someone’s truck, he stood alone against the side of the building, clearly waiting for someone.

Kenny decided to approach him.

"Hey man, I really enjoyed your performance. I’ve never seen the operatic section live before.”

The singer smiled. “No one has.”

“Uh. My name is Kenny, I write poems and songs. I was thinking maybe you and your band could sing one someday." Kenny was shaking. _Too soon? I don’t even know his name!_

“Oh yeah! You’re the boy who won the Key Award. I really liked your poem. How long did it take to write?”

“A couple of days. I write a lot.”

“That’s really good. I think my band could use a songwriter. My name’s Aaron, by the way.”

Just as Kenny was getting all heart-eyes for Aaron, the two are interrupted by a furious pale boy with red hair, marching towards them with two vanilla ice cream cones in hand. "I really don't like those fucking guys. The sign say 1.99 for an ice cream. I gave them two dollars and they don't give me my fucking penny back--"

"Breathe Hoe-Joe. Calm down. I’d like you to meet Kenny. He got the Golden Key Award for his poem today."

Joe handed Aaron his ice cream, vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. The moment Joe looked up at Kenny he could not stop staring at into eyes. It was like he knew them. He never met anyone named Kenny in his life. But this boy. He looked like he was about to become his life. He was still breathing heavily from the heat of his ice cream scam.

"Wait you wrote that fucking poem that had me bawling my eyes out?" Joe snaps.

Kenny did not expect this. He wanted to shriek. Another boy heard his shitty love poem for Larry...and cried? He hadn't felt like this since Dylan told him he had the most soulful eyes he'd ever seen.  "Yea I guess that would be me." Kenny blushed. _Ahhh, boys!_

"Well shit, you deserve an ice cream. I'll buy you one. What flavor you want?" Joe asked.

_I'll have whatever you're having._

"Here just take mine,” _Shit! He can hear my thoughts?_ _“_ It's the only fucking flavor they have left. I'm not giving that truck another cent." Joe handed him his ice cream "I'm not in the mood for ice cream anyways."

"Thank you." Kenny said. Despite the ice cream in his hand Kenny was melting. That was cutest thing a boy had ever done for him. Besides what Larry did to get him here today. _Why are boys so damn cute?_

"So Kenny here said he liked the operatic section. He said he's written some songs I could sing." Aaron said.

"You write songs too? Jesus Christ!" Joe was really about to explode.

"Oh its’ nothing really, just a hobby." Kenny smiled.

"You know what? How about you come to our baseball game after this. The boys will love to sing your poetry. It gives us something to do when we're on the bench." Aaron suggested.

"Yeah!" Joe shouted. "We like to sing." _A bunch of boys. Jocks. Skanks. Skanky jocks? Singing his songs?_ _For fun? And not for the sole purpose of getting girlfriends? Have I struck gold or what? I’m dreaming. I must be._

"I'd love to. But, I'm not from around here. I have to ask my, um, parents."

"I have a car," Aaron said "We could take you. Or! Tell your dad to come. Dads love baseball."

Joe chimed in "Yea, he's right. Dads love baseball." Joe was still breathing aggressively.

"I'll go ask right now. Thanks for the ice cream Joe."

 

********

 

Kenny ran back inside the convention center to locate Dave. He noticed Kenny was more excited than usual. In fact, he looked exactly the same way after his first date with Dylan.

"Everything ok, Kenny?" Dave asked.

Kenny was about to burst. He didn't even ease into his question. He just let all the gay out. "Two of the cutest boys I ever met in my entire life just invited me to their baseball game? Can I go? Please let me go! They want to sing my poetry and they bought me this ice cream and they even offered to drive me!"

"Kenny calm down. Please, for god’s sake, be quiet. Just let me ask Vicky, you know, we have motel reservations and stuff."

They went on a search for Vicky, who was still talking to member of the Young Writer’s Committee, apologizing once again for what dumb old Larry did. Dave waited until she was finished talking.

"Hey honey. Kenny here, uh, met some boys who want to take him to a baseball game.”

"Which boy was it? Was it the singer?" She asked.

Kenny smiled and nodded aggressively. _She knows, she knows._

"Ooh! He was a real cutie. I say why not? Let him go." Then she whispered into Dave's ear, "Don't you think this would be good for all of us? He might move on from Larry."

The broken lightbulb in Dave's brain flickered once. Finally. A chance to stop Larry and Kenny from getting any gayer. Dave didn't want Larry to be gay. He loved Kenny like a son but he could never face the thought of Larry dating Kenny.

"Uh sure, what time does the game end? We could pick you up afterwards." Dave offered.

"I uh don't know. I forgot to ask. They said you two were welcome to come watch if you wanted. The only problem is I said you guys were my parents. I didn't feel like explaining."

"You said I was your dad?" Dave laughed. Vicky elbowed him. "Fair enough. Yea I'd like to go to the game actually." Dave had not seen a live baseball game since his youth. He'd always dreamed of having a son who he could play baseball with. But instead he got Larry, who plays chess, cries about Star Wars, and steals other boys' poems. Maybe if he went to this baseball game with Kenny he'd feel like the dad he always wanted to be.

"You can go with your friends we'll meet you later. But if anything goes wrong or they do something to you I'll crack their heads open with a bat, ok?"

Kenny couldn't help but aggressively giggle. He hugged Dave, pressing the ice cream cone into his hand before running back to his new baseball friends.

Dave, shocked, ice cream cone in hand, mutters to himself, "So this is the gay flavor."

 

********

 

Returning to Aaron and Joe, out of breath, Kenny says "My dad says I can go with you."

"Awesome. What happened to your rainbow sprinkles bro?" Aaron asks.

"I guess I was so excited I lost it. I've never been to a baseball game before." Kenny says nervously.

"You serious?" Joe asks.

"You're talking to the boy who just won a poetry award...is baseball uh…anything like hockey?"

"No. Not even close" Joe says. Aaron smiles.

"Oh."

Aaron decides to help Kenny out. "They're kind of similar but baseball's way more boring. To be honest none of us really like it that much."

"Then why do you play?"

"Our dads force us," Joe starts. "We don't mind it though. We get so much down time in the dugout to do whatever we aren't allowed to do at home."

"Like singing?"

Aaron smiles.

"Yea! I like to sing, of course. Joe likes to act and curse. Vinny likes to dance. I think you'll like it." Aaron says.

"I'm sure I will!" Kenny shouts.

"Let's get going then. I've got the new Kelly Clarkson cd we can listen to on the way there" Aaron giggles.

"No you fucking don't," Joe gasps. _I was just about to say the same thing._

"Oh yes I do."

"Oh let's gooo!" Joe sprints towards the parking lot, towards the car in the lot with a duct taped door.

Kenny can't stop smiling. He's melting. He thought his Albany dream ended with the poetry. He never expected this. Two boys. Both his type. Listening to Kelly Clarkson with him. Larry could never.

When they pull into the parking lot of the field, Kenny asks if he will be sitting with them or in the stands.

“Since this isn’t our home field we won’t be able to keep you in the dugout once the game starts. But we can introduce you to the boys and then you can sit with my sister and her friends.” Aaron suggests.

“Ok…wait, you guys aren’t from here?” Kenny asks.

“No we live about three and half hours away closer to the City.”

“What! Me too.” Kenny’s heart was pounding. _So what you’re saying is there’s a chance I’ll get to see you again?_

“So we’ll definitely hang out again,” Joe smiles. _He’s literally reading my fucking mind. Who is he?_

“We can talk about that later, let’s go. It’s baseball day boys and girls” Aaron jogs towards the field, straight to the team in red.

Kenny follows them to the field. He hears a girl yell, "Get a home run for me babe!" at one of Aaron’s teammates. Kenny turns to look at the gorgeous girl as she blows a kiss to the player. Her lips are shimmering.

“That’s my sister,” Aaron says. “Rogerina come here!” He yells. She skips over. “Hey, this is Kenny. I met him at the awards today and he writes songs that I’m going to sing with my band. Maybe I can finally get away from all these covers and have my big break.” Aaron smiled hopefully, as if waiting for validation from his sister.

Rogerina hugged Kenny. ”Welcome to the team, darling. Any friend of Aaron’s is a friend of mine.” _Did I really just get hugged by a girl? That’s not my mom or Mrs. Gold? Am I hallucinating or what? God I wish I were straight._

“Kenny would you mind reading your poem to the team? I think they’ll love it.” Aaron commanded.

“If you insist!” Kenny was so nervous he would fuck up and they would all hate him. But he felt like he could trust Aaron. What could Aaron possibly gain by bringing Kenny all this way just to make fun of him to his teammates? It doesn’t make sense.

“Can I listen?” Rogerina asked.

“Yes, quick let’s go.”

As they headed towards the dugout, Rogerina asked Aaron, “Did you have your rainbow sprinkles today Ary?”

“Yea. Hoe-Joe had a meltdown at the ice cream truck.”

“Again?” she giggled.

“Wait he’s done that before?” Kenny asked.

“He’s trying his best.” Aaron says.

The next 15 minutes are a blur. Aaron calls out the name of every boy on the team and they each say hi to Kenny. He certainly won’t remember any of the names. He takes a deep breath and recites his poem from memory. Not a single person speaks. Joe’s eyes started to water but you could tell he was trying to resist it by squinting. Kenny’s voice shakes as he spits out the last line, “baptism by fire, my deep dark desire.”

The entire team claps. Rogerina wipes a tear from her eye. She lifts up her skirt to reveal a small packet of tissues stuffed under the elastic band of her stocking. She opens the package and hands one tissue to Joe and another to the short player wearing his hat backwards. Some of the players start mumbling compliments amongst themselves. Above all, Kenny distinctly heard Joe mumble a line of the poem, “death by a love brigade’s firing squad…Fuck! Where does he come up with that?” Kenny can’t help but smile.

A scary looking player looks up at Kenny and asks, “That’s incredible, where did you learn to write like that?”

“It’s just a hobby,” Kenny says.

Then, an older looking guy—a man with a thousand familiar faces compact into one, dramatically claims, “I haven’t heard a poem that beautiful since before my accident.”

“OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING UP YOUR FUCKING ACCIDENT!” Joe snapped. Again.

“Joe calm down or I’ll whack you with my clipboard.” Another teammate said. Kenny could not remember this one’s name but he had a real thick accent, sort of like Dave.  

“Joe darling look who’s here!” Rogerina points to the ice cream truck in the parking lot.

“Oh no. They wouldn’t dare.” Joe grumbles.

“As you can see, we all love poetry here. The game’s gonna start soon, so go with Rogerina.” Aaron hugged Kenny.

“Come on Kenny let’s go!” Rogerina grabs his hand. “Everyone say bye!” the team says goodbye to Kenny in unison. _This could possibly be the greatest day of my life._ Kenny finally felt like he belonged somewhere. He felt safe here. He wasn’t pushed or shoved. He wasn’t called a sissy for writing poems. Even his own best friend, Larry, occasionally teased him for writing poems. Albany was more of a safe space than fucking Disney World. This shit would never go down in his high school.

Rogerina brought Kenny to the stands. She waved to two girls that Kenny had seen before. Stephy and Alyssa. He was alarmed…and confused. “Girls, this is Kenny. He’s a godsent poet. He got the Key award today.”

“Wait you write poetry? I thought you played chess,” Alyssa gasps.

“You gals know Kenny?”

“We go to the same school,” Stephy said.

“Where’s your friend, what’s his name, Harry?” Alyssa asked.

“Larry. He uh stole my poem and got banned from Albany.”

“He did _what_!” Rogerina gasped. Perhaps too dramatically.

“Well he needed to write one for class so I lent him mine but then the teacher sent it to the Young Writers Committee and he never told anyone it was mine until this week.”

“Stupid boy,” Rogerina whispered.

“Yea, Larry’s not the brightest.”

“Aw, I’m sorry.” Alyssa said sweetly.

“Well, let’s not worry about him anymore. Perhaps it is time to play ball.” Rogerina said.

He felt bad portraying his best friend as a villain, but Larry would have done the same thing if he were in this position. At a baseball game surrounded by three cute girls. Cute by Larry’s standards. Kenny was living Larry’s dream. Or at least one of his past dreams.

 “So uh, how long is the game?” Kenny asked.

“You’ve never watched baseball before?”

“No.” _GAY PANIC._

“You’re truly blessed then. It’s torture.” Rogerina sighs. _Gay relief._

“Yea it fucking sucks.” Stephy chimes in.

“We usually just sit here and gossip. Have you guys heard Kelly Clarkson’s new album?” Alyssa asks.

“Oh boy _have I!_ ” Kenny shouts. _A little too much excitement? Way to out myself._

But that was it. The window of awkwardness and small talk was shattered. The mentioning of Kelly Clarkson paved the way for an exhaustive discussion to come. The girls and Kenny talked about nearly everything ranging from Broadway musicals to Dragon Ball Z to figure skating. Kenny never would have guessed these girls were just as big of nerds as he is. _If only Larry were here. Would Larry ruin this moment or live in it? He’d probably ruin it. He’d offend Alyssa with his opinion of the X-men comics._

But Larry wasn’t here. It was Kenny’s moment. It usually never is. Kenny always took the back seat when he was with Larry. He always felt he could never be himself. Not until now. Maybe Rogerina’s gang genuinely liked him. He felt he could be open and honest with them. He was gay, so it wasn’t like he needed to impress them or woo them. He only had to be tolerated by them until the game ended and he could see Aaron and Joe again. Kenny occasionally looked up at the field just for Hoe-Joe, who was usually pacing back and forth. It was _cute._  

“Wait gals, look!” Rogerina pointed at the field, where Kenny was already looking. Joe was leaving in the middle of the game? He was stomping towards the ice cream truck.

“What’s he saying?” Stephy wondered.

As soon as she requested this information, Joe yelled at the truck, “Would you shut that fucking music off? It’s been playing the whole damn game!” He then threw a baseball at the truck. Thankfully, Joe couldn’t throw well, so it did not break a window or hit the ice cream man. Instead it dented the side of the truck with all the stickers and rolled away miserably.  

Joe returned to the dugout, probably mumbling “fucking idiots” under his breath.

“Why is he so angry all the time?” Kenny asked.

“The boy is very emotional. But don’t worry. He’s actually a sweetie. Just give him time.” Rogerina said.    

The game continued and so did the conversations about literally anything except baseball. Time really flies when you aren’t watching the game. After what felt like hours, the game ended and Aaron’s team lost by one home run.

Kenny then nervously looked around at the fans fidgeting around, gathering their belongings, preparing to leave and return to their normal lives, wondering if his time with his new friends is about to end.  

“Let’s go see the boys.” Rogerina got up and the girls followed. “Excellent touchdown, darling,” she said to every player she passed.

As they got closer to the dugout, Rogerina and the gals scattered when she said the command “Charity work.” Rogerina went to the player she blew a kiss to before and started making out with him. Aaron approached Kenny before he could get a glimpse of what Stephy and Alyssa were doing.

“Hey man, thanks for coming. Did you like the game?”

“Time of my life.” Kenny lied. He didn’t even watch the game. Just Joe dissociating in the outfield in between debates with the girls about Star Wars.  “Thanks for inviting me…”  Kenny felt around his pockets for his phone so he could get Aaron’s number, but it wasn’t there. _Fuck! Did I really not notice it was gone?_

“Sorry I uh can’t find my phone.” Kenny panicked, slightly embarrassed.

"Hey, maybe you left it in my car. Go look. I can check the stands. I’ll be right there." Aaron gives Kenny his keys.

When Kenny walks to parking lot he sees Joe sitting on the ground leaning against the car. He was holding his bat upright in front of his face as if he was about to hit himself in the head with it.  The moment he saw Kenny approaching he jumped up and dropped the bat, as if embarrassed to have Kenny see him in this state.

"H-hey what's up? Where's Aaron?"

"Talking to people. I think I left my phone in the car."

"Uhh, let's look I'll check this side."

They got into the backseats of the car, furiously scrambling around looking for a phone. It looked as if they were playing Twister in there, if you know what I mean.

Then, as if some god knew what was happening, Kenny heard his ringtone. It was coming from under the front seat? _What was it doing there?_

Kenny and Joe lifted their heads up at the same time, naturally causing their noggins to clash.

"Sorry," Kenny said.

"Maybe some of your poetic genius will rub off on me…ha" Joe said.

Kenny smiled. And then, as if sharing an instinct they simultaneously reached between the front seats for the phone. Their hands touched.

They both looked up and stared into each other's eyes again for just a moment. There was that strange feeling again. Kenny knew Joe's eyes from somewhere but he couldn’t place it. They'd looked into each other's eyes plenty of times before. It was spooky.

What Kenny didn't notice before was Joe’s eyebrows. They were perfect by society's standard. _Don’t say anything. Don’t fuck this up Kenny. You only met him today._

"Has anyone told you that your brows are to die for?" _Did I say that out loud? Fuck!_

Joe couldn’t help but break eye contact and look away smiling and giggling. He completely melted. Kenny expected Hoe Joe rage, but instead he saw a new Joe, Soft Joe.

_Oh my god, his teeth form the shape of a heart. Rogerina was right._

Joe’s response to the complement was to grab Kenny's face, lean in and kiss him. After realizing that he just went from level 1 to level 100 he pulls back and shrieks. He starts breathing rapidly, as if he’s about to break down and cry. "Sorry I-"

"Don't be." Kenny pulls Joe’s face back, and they kiss again.

The kiss was stopped by Kenny's phone ringing a 2nd time. Joe got out of the backseat and opened the driver’s door. He retrieved the phone from under the seat and tossed it to Kenny.

Four missed calls from Dave. _Fuck!_

 

********

 

Rogerina and Aaron were watching the entire incident from afar.

"Hot,” Rogerina blew a bubble with her chewing gum. “You really outdid yourself this time, Cupid."

"The moment I laid eyes on him I knew he would be perfect for Joe."

 

********

 

To everyone's surprise, Dave witnessed the whole incident as well. "Jesus Christ." He marched towards the car. He couldn't let Kenny go around fucking boys on the first date. In a car! Not without him meeting the mystery boy first to see if he was a worthy match.

Kenny and Joe panicked and got out of the car.

"Kenny what the hell you think you’re doing?" Dave snapped.

"Nothing… I-I was just looking for my phone" Kenny felt hot all over. He felt just as heated as he did when he accidentally came out to Dave.

"Sure didn't look like _nothing,_ ” Dave put air quotes around ‘nothing.’ “Who's he?" He asked, pointing to Joe.

"This is Joe."

"Joe my man, you have three seconds to get out of my presence."

"Yes sir," Joe sprinted as soon as he heard the command. He never ran faster in his life. Not even on the field. Kenny predicted Joe was about to start crying.

"Kenny remember that talk we had? About what happens when two dudes y’know…"

"Yes Mr. Gold."

Dave really didn't know what to say or where to go with this. Kenny wasn't his child. Although he felt responsible. Maybe he was too harsh. "Did that boy, uh, pressure you or anything?"

"No Mr. Gold"

"Do you…like him?"

Any fear Kenny had completely vanished. _“DO I!"_ Kenny couldn’t help but smile just as hard as he did after his first date with Dylan.  

Dave paused for a second. His lone brain cell had experienced a critical thought. If Kenny was fucking Joe, he wouldn't be fucking Larry. Dave put on a happy face. One that he put on when he first discovered Larry wasn’t a tranny.

"Well what are you waiting for go get his number!" Dave nudged Kenny in the arm, "BUT! Promise me next time you won't do it in my car on the first date."

Kenny wanted to squeal like a girl, but he managed to say "Yes, Mr. Gold" before running off in the direction Joe disappeared.

 

********

 

Of course Aaron and Rogerina saw all of this too.

When Mr. Gold approached the boys, Rogerina gasped, "Oh god!"

Aaron, being optimistic said "Let's wait."

Joe came running towards them. They were expecting him to be crying with panic but in fact he was smiling. He was the happiest they'd ever seen him. It was quite possibly the best day of Joe's life. He embraced Aaron and let out a squeal.

"Oh?" Aaron said startled.

"Ahhh Kenny with a y. Why? Because he's perfect!" Joe said.

"Congratulations dear," Rogerina smiled.

"I'm glad you're happy Joe. What did his dad say?"

"He told me to get lost!"

"Wow, ok?"

"Yea."

"And you're still happy?"

"K-Kenny h-he complimented my eyebrows, Aaron."

"Oh he's a keeper." Rogerina said. She rubbed Joes back.

"Hey!" Someone called out. It was Kenny, jogging towards them, out of breath.

"I never got your number Joe."

 

********

 

Kenny could not stop smiling the whole car ride home with Larry's parents. He was so relieved that Joe made a move. He texted Joe as soon as he got into the car. They already made plans to meet up next weekend.

Kenny wondered whether he should tell Larry about all of this. It's not like Larry could come to the baseball game with him Saturday. He was grounded. Plus, Larry might ruin it. When Larry was introduced to Dylan, things got weird. Larry would always try to turn their dates into a trio. Then Dylan started talking to Larry and Dylan broke up with him. It was inevitable, Larry and Dylan interacting, since Kenny did live in Larry's house at the time. He feared if Larry and Joe started mingling, one of them would get hurt. He decided he wouldn't tell Larry immediately in case things went wrong with Joe. Then maybe they'd be back to normal, Larry still a confused virgin and Kenny with two exes instead of one. Kenny always still hoping Larry was truly gay.

Plus, Larry now had time to sort out his feelings. Kenny was still skeptical of what Dylan had said to Larry to provoke him to do all of this. Maybe Larry felt really pressured. He wasn't himself.

Kenny was really tired and checked his phone one last time before dozing off. It was a text from Joe saying he'd promise to teach him how to play baseball.

Kenny smiled himself to sleep and dreamed of playing baseball with Joe. He would maybe feel like a normal boy for once. He'd maybe gain his parents respect...or just a little respect.

"Hey uh, Kenny…" Mr. Gold said.

No response. Kenny was sleeping like a baby.

"Let's not mention any of this to Larry."

Vicky cackled. "You thinkin’ Larry might get jealous of Kenny's new lover ?"

"No. I'm scared of them having a threesome in the back of my car. I stayed up all night worrying about it when Kenny was seeing Dylan"

"Fair enough."

********

"Kenny wake up we're home honey" Vicky said

He collected his things and expressed his gratitude as he always has

Before Kenny walked towards his own house Dave pulled him aside. "Hey don’t tell Larry about any of this ok."

“Oh, ok.” Although Dave’s plan coincided with his own, Kenny wondered his intentions. He was still too tired, he didn’t worry about it.


	5. Baseball Day

The next week at school, Kenny was supposed to feel lonely without Larry but he couldn't help but smile every day. He'd been texting Joe and Aaron nonstop. He texted them a few of his poems. Joe usually replied with a crying emoji. They flirted through text. Cute nerdy things like, "Joe your eyes are like chaos emeralds," stuff Kenny could never say to Larry.

Monday night he got home and received a phone call from Larry. Another one of his punishments was one phone call a day to a friend. He usually always called Kenny but sometimes he called Marla or Flonnie.

"Hey Kenny. Did you have fun in Albany? Miserable without me at school? How's chess club holding up?"

"Yea it was good. Best day of my life. And yea, school’s terrible. When are you coming back?"

He secretly didn't want Larry to come back. He'd have to hide everything. His smiles. His text notifications from Joe.

"I think next Thursday."

"Awesome. I can't wait" he said in his sarcastic voice "How are you being treated at home? Are you alright?"

"Yea I'm fine. I mostly do chores. I just think mom’s using this all as an excuse to take a break from moming. Dad finally lets me watch tv for 30 minutes a day instead of 20."

"That's five more than I get."

"Yeah. I guess. He's forcing me to go golf with him again Saturday. He knows I hate it."

"Man good luck."

"Thanks."

"Well I got homework so I'll see--talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Kenny."

"Goodnight Larry."

_Whew._ Thank god Larry won't be here Saturday to see him run off with his new boyfriends.

 

***Meanwhile***

While working on Kenny’s first song, Joe took into consideration that Aaron’s band lacked a bass player. This was his chance to woo Kenny. He was shit at baseball. He couldn’t sing as well as Aaron. He wasn't good at much. He learned to play another one bites the dust. One of Aaron’s favorites, and Aaron let him be in the band. It’s not like he would actually refuse his best friend.

While trying to learn the notes to Kenny’s song, Joe got really frustrated one day. He went on a self-inflicted “fucking idiot” tantrum every time he played a wrong note.

“Hey Joe. I just want you to know I’m proud of you. You worked so hard learning to play bass. I think you’re being hard on yourself.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes Joe you’re a boss ass bitch, so act like one.”

Joe pointed to himself and mouthed the words “me?” If Aaron wanted him to have confidence, he’d do it. He would do anything Aaron asked.

Thence, every time Joe made a fucko on the bass, he whispered variations of “Bitch, Boss ass.” And each time, Aaron couldn’t help but smile and be proud.

 

****

 

Saturday arrived at last, and Kenny was eagerly waiting in the kitchen. He looked so full of energy. He got jump scared by the honk of the car horn he was expecting.

"It's baseball day boys and girls" Aaron shouted.

Aaron pulled up next to the house. Joe and Rogerina were in the backseat waiting for Kenny to come outside.

"Are you going to hang out with Larry? We want nothing to do with that vile thief" Kenny’s father said.

"Actually I joined baseball club at school. We're going to practice. I'm bringing my baseball bat you got me for my 7th birthday."

Strange. Very strange.

"Ok. Come back before 6. Or you'll be thrown out of this house again."

"Yes sir."

Kenny grabbed his bat and ran to his new friends. They saved him the passenger seat. "Kenny open the glove compartment and pop in the Mama Mia CD!" Aaron commanded.

"NO WAY!" Joe screamed.

"Thank god," Rogerina said.

Aaron started talking. Revealing it was his dream to go to Yankee Stadium...to sing the national anthem. But as soon as the cd started playing Aaron shut right up and sang Mamma Mia. They all joined in. This is what Kenny wanted. It was just like the opening credits to That 70s Show. It was his favorite part of every episode. Just a group of friends singing in a car to their favorite songs. Kenny was living in a dream world. He felt like he'd grown up with these three. They all shared the same interest in music, which Larry never did.

****

They pulled into an empty driveway of a house.

"Your parents aren’t home?" Kenny asked.

"They coach little league in the mornings." Aaron said.

They got inside and gave Kenny a grand tour. It was like every other normal straight household but with a drum kit and a piano in the living room.

"I was thinking you could rate my singing Kenny," Aaron suggested.

"It’s already phenomenal from what I heard in the car."

"We've been working on your song all week. We'd like to play it for you." Kenny blushed. He was about to be fucking serenaded. "Hoe Joe get your bass."

"Wait you play bass?" Kenny asked. He was impressed.

"Yes." Joe didn’t have time to let Kenny watch his face get all red. He ran upstairs.

"Rog would you mind?" Aaron asked.

Rogerina went to the drum set and responded "of course dear" she had an unlit cigarette in her mouth. She didn't intend to light it. It was for aesthetic purposes only because smoking is bad.

"BiTch BitCh Boss asS bItch" Joe grumbled upstairs. He was nervous and shaky that he would mess up Kenny’s song. “Pull yourself together,” he commanded himself. He took a deep breath and went back downstairs.

Rogerina counted them in. It sounded pretty bad, having nothing but a drum, a bass, and a singer. Joe played about half the song before fucking up and mumbling Bitch. He was so focused on his fingers hitting the right notes he didn’t look up once. Kenny thought it was adorable. _I wish he'd touch me like that._

Aaron wasn’t paying attention to anyone else, singing his little heart out. He was a Broadway grade singer stuck on Long Island waiting to be discovered. Rogerina wasn’t even in the band. She was just there serving looks and a beat.

"I have an idea" Kenny said. "May I?" He uncovered the piano in the living room and had a seat. He played the chords to the song.

"You play too?" Aaron asked, awestruck.

"When Larry was in Annie Get Your Gun I hung out in the drama department and started playing around. My ex taught me. I don't know a lot though."

Joe breathed heavily and sighed. Kenny was fucking perfect. Flawless. Joe had a long way to go.

They played the song again from the top this time with Kenny. The piano really made the song sound tolerable this time. Joe didn't mess up once knowing Kenny’s focus was on the piano and not him.

“Joe why don’t you go get some water,” Aaron suggested. “Kenny come here.” Kenny was nervous. What did he have to say?

“You know that Joe likes you right?”

“Oh does he? Yeah, I guess I figured. I know.”

“Well if you like him too you don’t have to hide it around us. We want Joe to be happy. You too.”

Kenny was shocked. “How’d you know I was y’know?”

“Kenny we’re all gay.”

“Oh?”

Rogerina was texting but then she looked up and declared, “Stephy and Alyssa are coming to bake soon”

_Were Stephy and Alyssa gay too? Who am I kidding, Rogerina could make anyone question their sexuality. Wait until Larry hears about this!_

“Go to him,” Aaron pats Kenny on the back. He remembered his pact with Dave. _Maybe Larry shouldn’t hear about this._

Kenny enters the kitchen. Joe is surrounded by four empty water bottles. Something is wrong. Joe is clenching his fifth water bottle too tight. The cap flies off and the water explodes all over him. He says nothing.

“Uhh Joe are you ok?” Kenny looks around for a towel. _What the hell is going on? Is this supposed to be happening?_ Joe’s fist is still clenched around the water bottle and his eyes are staring at nothing in particular.

Aaron rushes into the kitchen. He sits beside Joe and pries the water bottle from his hand. He holds Joe’s hands. “Joe we’re here. You’re okay. You’re alive. You’re breathing. I’m sorry about this Kenny. I didn’t think he’d be dissociating. I should have warned you.”

“No its ok how can I help?” This is certainly something he never had to deal with amongst Larry and Dylan before. Joe was cute, but he came with a price tag. Was this something Kenny could endure?

“Breathe for me Joe you’re ok. Joe do you feel my hand?”

“What happened?” Joe was back.

“You played the bass remember. Then I told you to get some water.”

“Oh…yeah. I had a vision.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I can’t.”

“Ok, I won’t pressure you. I’ll get you a dry shirt. Kenny stay here.”

As soon as Aaron leaves, Joe resumes talking.

“I had a vision. You were there.”

“I was?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ok” was all he could manage. Then there was silence until Aaron returned and tossed Joe a shirt. Aaron then left to go help Rogerina’s friends get their groceries, since Rogerina was busy applying makeup.

“They’re you’re friends, Rogerina, you should help them.”

“I’ve got to make an impression, Aaron” she replied, watching herself apply lip gloss in her handheld mirror.

In the kitchen Kenny doesn’t know what to do. He had to get Joe out of there so Rogerina’s gang could come in. Joe could slip back into a dissociative state any moment. He was holding the shirt Aaron tossed him as if he didn’t know what to do with it. _Now or never, Kenny._

“Hey Joe could you hold this for me?” He held out his hand.

Joe grabbed the hand but he looked scared. He was slowly leaving reality again. He was probably still spooked by whatever vision plagued his mind. He looked quite triggered. “Let’s get you out of this mess.” Kenny pulled Joe out of his seat and led him upstairs to Aaron’s room. He wishes Aaron were here to help.

When Aaron first went to heal Joe he grabbed his hands, placing an emphasis on human touch, like Bruce Springsteen. Kenny decides he has no choice but to help Joe take off his wet shirt. He gets close to Joe and starts to lift his shirt up. He raises Joe’s arms up to take shirt up off over his head.

Then they just stood there for a moment, facing the mirror in Aaron’s room. Kenny is behind Joe, in case he needs support standing. He looks at him in the mirror. Perfect body, _by Kenny’s standards._ He places his arms around Joe, hoping it will startle him back to reality. “Joe can you see us? Can you see me? Can you feel me? Look at yourself Joe.” He sways him back and forth a little.

Aaron knocks on the door, startling Kenny. He let go of Joe, slightly embarrassed, even though Aaron doesn’t mind.

“Guess who forgot to take his meds this morning? Alyssa brought them over.”

He gave Joe a glass of water and asked him to take the pill. Joe did not speak or break eye contact with the void, but he followed these orders no problem. _He heard everything I said? Why didn’t he respond? What did he see? Did I cause this?_

Aaron left to return to the guests.

Joe snapped back to normal and looked at himself in the mirror. “Fuck. Where’s my shirt?”

“It was wet. So I helped you take it off.”

“Oh. Well do you like what you see?”  Joe put a hand on his hip, posing.

Kenny laughed. “Hmm.” He placed his arms around Joe’s waist. “Now I do.”

“Would you really die for my eyebrows?”

“Not as easily as I’d die for your lips.”

_Why is it so easy to sweet talk him?_ Kenny guesses he really learned a thing or two from Dylan. They’d once turned compliments into an ongoing competition, so it was effortless by now. And Joe was eating it up. He could never do this with Larry. Larry was just too incompetent. It would take him a whole minute to even process a compliment because he’s rarely given any.

Upon hearing Kenny’s words, Joe gasped dramatically as if he had just been hit in his bare chest with Cupid’s arrow. He fell back into Kenny’s arms and closed his eyes. What a drama queen. He lifted up his head to kiss Kenny’s cheek. Kenny was weaker than Joe, so he had to get Joe back on his own feet or they’d fall over. But, Joe wasn’t going to end his act without a grand finale. He let Kenny fall so he could lay on top on him. He rolled over and kissed Kenny.

Kenny had been in this exact position just two weeks earlier with Larry. Except Larry was the one bottoming.  It hadn’t felt right or truly genuine then. It did now. Joe was honest. He could tell Joe wanted this. With Larry, it felt forced. Like Larry was doing “charity work,” as Rogerina would call it.

********

Downstairs, Rogerina’s baking party was taking place. Rogerina didn’t know how to bake, so she made Stephy and Alyssa do all of the work. She acted as a supervisor, claiming the right to lick all the spoons and spatulas before tossing them in the sink. Stephy and Alyssa couldn’t refuse. After all, Rogerina let them use her kitchen.

Rogerina barely paid attention to the baking process. She was on Tinder, trying to find the most expensive date she could score. She didn’t care much for the boys she went out with. It was her real dream to become a food journalist. She went out on dates simply to experience all the different restaurants she could (her Yelp reviews were gaining quite the reputation) so hopefully she could one day find a good venue to impress Stephy and Alyssa with.

“We’re putting them in the oven now,” Alyssa said, as if it was some verbal cue.

“Rogerina come bless the brownies,” Stephy called.

Rogerina looked at the pan of dark chocolate goodness. She blew a kiss to them. “See you on the other side babes.” Stephy giggled. Alyssa put the tray in the oven and closed it.

“Good work girls.” Rogerina said. She pulled Stephy and Alyssa into a group hug.  She then called out, “Aaron, give me an update on our lovebirds. Tinder boys are boring me to death.”

Aaron opened the freezer and started scooping some vanilla ice cream into a bowl. “Joe is himself again. I think they’re having a good time.”

“That’s sweet. Alyssa thanks again for bringing his meds. You’re a great cousin.”

“Of course.” She replied proudly, feeling validated.

Aaron opened the fridge and shook a can of whipped cream. He squirted some on his ice cream. He then tossed the can to Rogerina, anticipating she would have asked for it.

She smiled and shook the can. She turned to Alyssa, said “I dub thee Snose White,” and squirted whipped cream on her nose.

“Thank you queen,” Alyssa giggled.

“What about me?” Stephy asked.

“Nobody nose,” Rogerina squirted whip cream onto Stephy’s nose too. Rogerina pinched her cheek.

“It’s been an honor.” Stephy replies sarcastically.

The girls are giggling. Rogerina then squirts the rest of the can of whipped cream into her own mouth. By this time Aaron’s poured rainbow sprinkles on his ice cream. He’s quite jealous of Rogerina and her polyglam relationship. He wishes he had somebody to love too. He never thought of Joe as anything other than a best friend or a little brother who needed his protection. Aaron felt his duty was to make Joe happy.

He was a party planner. His own happiness comes from others. Aaron knew that going out and searching for someone to love doesn’t work. When the time comes, a lover will show up. He believed in patience. He waited long enough for Joe’s lover without interfering, and Kenny magically appeared.  If Joe and Kenny were fucking in his bedroom right now, Aaron would be a little jealous, but would never admit it. He was too happy for Joe, he wouldn’t dare stop them.

However, they weren’t fucking. They were lying side by side talking about their feelings like cowards.

“Was that the best kiss you ever had or what?” Kenny asks, thinking he knows what the answer will be.

“Was the only...”Joe’s voice faded. He didn’t want to admit Kenny was his first kiss. But it was too late.

“Wait I’m your first? That’s so sweet. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Kenny. The vision I had. I’ve been with you before. I don’t know where or when or how. It feels like it was in another dimension. An alternate universe or something.”

“But we’ve never met before Albany.”

“I know. Maybe in a past life or something I don’t know. But I’ve always felt like I’ve been looking for someone. I didn’t know it was you until that day.”

Kenny was silent. He too shared a strange feeling of familiarity with Joe.

“You know, you looked familiar too when I first saw you. I don’t have visions though.”

“I’m sorry if this freaks you out we can drop it and pretend it never happened.”

“No it’s fine. What did you see in the kitchen?”

“You were drowning on a beach. There were explosions. Fireworks maybe. I tried dragging you but you wouldn’t wake up.”

“Oh my god. Could it have been a lucid dream or something?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I did forget to take my pills today.”

“Well I’m glad you told me. You’ll be glad to hear that I know how to swim. You don’t have to worry Joe I’m right here.” He grabbed Joe’s hand.  “Right here.”

“Kenny can you tell me what your ex was like? Was it a girl or a boy? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“His name was Dylan.  There’s not much to know about him. He’s a trouble maker. He dumped me.”

“Why did he leave you? You’re amazing. ”

“I don’t really know. He didn’t give me a solid reason.”

“Oh…” was all Joe could say. Or was it? “Screw him. And my vision. Can we kiss again?” Kenny was relieved. In fact he thought it was kind of cute that Joe was being direct. And asking for permission like a little boy.  

“You don’t need to ask.” After 30 seconds, Joe just had to ask another question.

“Can I make us match?” Joe was referring to the shirt. He was still shirtless, but Kenny wasn’t.

Kenny wasn’t ready for this. He issued Joe a speeding ticket. “Is that why they call you Hoe Joe? Slow down will ya?”

“Oh. I’m sorry” Joe felt hurt. Kenny could sense that he hurt Joe so he had to rescue him immediately.

“We can still match.” Kenny handed over Aaron’s shirt “You’re actually really cold please put it on.”

Joe followed the command and put on the shirt.

“Now let me be your jacket.” Joe’s disappointment with the ruined moment vanished. He fell backwards into Kenny’s arms, smiling. He did nothing but lay there with his eyes closed. Kenny couldn’t help but press his nose against Joe’s hair. It was soft and smelled like buttered toast.

_Is this what straight people feel like holding their newborn baby? You know, before they find out its gay?_

Kenny hadn’t felt pure joy in so long. There was always panic attached to his moments of greatest joy. Larry’s sacrifice for him to get to Albany. The Golds taking him in after his coming out party. This time there were no consequences. He didn’t want the moment to end.  

********

Back downstairs, the oven timer dinged. **_“The children are cooked!”_** Rogerina jumped up from the couch and ran to the kitchen. Stephy and Alyssa just laughed.

“It’s baseball time, girls.” Aaron said. “Guess I have to break up Joe and Kenny.”

“I have an idea.” Rogerina emerged with the tray of brownies. She stood at the bottom of the steps and waited.

“BITCH! KENNY IT’S TIME!” they heard Joe yell from upstairs. He smelled the brownies.

“Oh, time for what? What’s happening?” Kenny panicked. Should he be panicking?

Joe sprinted down the steps. “Ladies and gentlemen it’s BASEBALL TIME!” he yodeled.

Kenny followed him down the stairs. “Baseball time?”

“Get your stuff let’s go.” Aaron said. Joe ran to the kitchen.

Rogerina gang was out the door. “I left three brownies in the kitchen for you boys. See ya!” Rogerina waved. They went off in Alyssa’s car.

 “I guess Joe found the brownies.” Kenny said.

“He’s probably eaten them all by now. He always does.” Aaron laughed.

But this time, Joe controlled himself. He brought out the plate of brownies and let Kenny have “first pick”

“Are you an edge piece or middle piece kinda guy?” Joe was serious.

Aaron was really shocked Joe hadn’t eaten all three in one bite. He was really in love huh. “Does it matter, Joe?”

“It matters to me.”

“Oh well I’m not allowed to eat brownies so I don’t know. Which one’s your favorite?”  Kenny asked. Aaron was thankful Kenny started taking charge of little situations like these. It made his life easier.   

“Middle…no wait! Edge...Middle. Hm. Fuck, this is a real toughie.” Joe was panting.

“See Joe it doesn’t matter. Just eat one.” Aaron didn’t have time for this. It was baseball day.

“Joe just eat them all,” is what Joe heard. Neither Kenny nor Aaron minded. As long as Joe shut up and got in the car. 

********

There was no game today, just practice. Rogerina gang usually bakes brownies for the games only, but today there was a specific request from one of the players, whose name escaped her. All she knew is that on Tinder the boy promised her a date at the Cheesecake Factory tonight.

This was the first time Kenny saw the boy’s home field. Their stomping ground. God he wished the baseball team would put on a production of Stomp.

“Kenny have you ever swung a bat before?” Aaron asked.

“Does wii-sports count?”

“Sure…You stay there and I’ll go back a couple of feet and pitch to you.”

“Should I stand on the white square?”

“Home base? Actually you stand next to it and face me.”

“I can be catcher.” Joe offered. _Is he doing what I think he’s doing?_ “Great view down here.” _Bitch._

Kenny laughed. He wasn’t quite sure how to hold the bat. Should it be angled behind his head? In front of him? Joe got up and put his arms around Kenny so he could guide him with the bat.

“I don’t remember this part from two-player mode” Kenny said.

They missed the first three balls Aaron threw. They lightly tapped the fourth one. A small victory. The fifth one almost hit Kenny in the face.

“I can’t be bothered with this. How about I throw it instead?” Kenny offered.

“Whatever you want Kenny.” After three balls that went nowhere near the home plate, Kenny decided baseball wasn’t for him. He would stick to poetry.  

“Hey don’t worry about it. You can sit and watch.” Arron suggested. Kenny was relieved although Joe felt a little sad Kenny went away.

The team went to the field and did their exercises and their stretches. Kenny sat on the team bench and started doodling in his journal. Each time he looked up, Kenny saw Joe’s eyes on him, making sure he didn’t leave. He waved. “I’m still here Joe don’t worry. Right here.”

After baseball practice they went back to Aaron’s house because they still had some time before Kenny had to be home. Aaron was prompt in making sure he was home by 5:55. The boys decided to play Mario Karts.

The boys started with rainbow road. Joe was sunk into the couch so far that he could have a plate of tater tots resting on his chest. Kenny was a master at Mario Karts because he always used to play with Larry, but Joe kept falling off the rainbow road and dying. was getting frustrated every time Princess Peach threw a koopa shell at him. “Again princess bitch! Fuck!”

Kenny then threw a shell back at Peach for Joe’s sake. Kenny came in first place, of course. Joe didn’t even finish the race because time ran out. “Oh come on,” he yelped.

Kenny took a tot from Joe’s chest. Aaron had made them. These tots were nothing like the ones Larry’s family made. They were crispy. Crunchy. God tier. What was Aaron’s secret?

“How come you never let me eat your tit tots?” Aaron asked.

“Because you always win the game.” Joe snapped.

“One more time around then?” Aaron suggested.

The three then played another game. He was screaming because he was so bad. “How the fuck am I supposed to know where to turn!” Then he finally noticed the game was changed from easy mode to difficult mode. “Aaron you fuck you put it on hard mode!”

“Relax Joe it was a mistake I would never sabotage you and Waluigi.” Aaron said.

“Joe stand up.” Kenny commanded. He put his arms around Joe and onto his wii remote, guiding Joe with mario’s kart like Joe had done with the baseball bat earlier. “That’s it, attaboy Joe.” After that romantic tutorial, Kenny let go and returned to his own wii remote.

“Wait I’ve been pressing B this whole fucking time no wonder why I didn’t fucking move fucking idiot.” Joe got up and was about to throw the wii remote at the screen.

“JOE!” Aaron yelled. Aaron snapped.

Joe turned around, confused as to what Aaron wanted. “Boss ass bitch?”

“No, wrist strap.”

Joe slid the strap over his wrist and held out his arm for Aaron to tighten it because he couldn’t do it himself. Joe then proceeded to swing the remote at the tv but no one got hurt because it was attached to his wrist this time. All thanks to the wii remote wrist strap. Kenny watched the whole incident like one would watch a puppy chasing its own tail.


	6. Return to Normalcy

From that day on, Kenny texted Joe every morning reminding him to take his pills. Aaron already did this, but once he found out Kenny was doing it too he felt relieved. Joe would text back with, “wow I feel like Nicole Kidman in Before I Go to Sleep.”

Kenny would go on reddit to read brownie discourse and he even played baseball on Wii sports during his allotted 15 minutes of gaming every night. He always made sure to wear the Wii remote wrist strap.

But, Larry’s punishments wore off, now Kenny had to spend time with him again. Or else he would know something was up.  When he went over Larry’s house, Kenny insisted they play Wii sports baseball.

“Why do you always want to play baseball? I thought you hated baseball.”

“It’s quite fun actually.”

Dave overheard this and had to blurt out, “Yea Larry why don’t you listen to your smart and charming friend, Kenny for once?”

“Oh. Ok. Whatever you want Kenny.” Larry knew better than to snap at Dave.

He put in the disc and waited for the game to pop up. “Guess I’ll pitch first” Larry said. He was about to throw a virtual baseball when Kenny gasped.

“Larry I’m a shamed of you.”

“What?”

“Why aren’t you using the wrist strap?”

“Kenny we never wear the wrist straps.”

“Well didn’t you read the safety warning on the start-up screen? Someone could get hurt. Or worse, the tv. You better put it on just in case.”

Dave entered the room again. “He’s right if you break that weed thing or whatever you call it I’m not buyin ya another one”

“Oh. Ok.” Larry slid the wrist strap on. They played the entire game in silence because Kenny was so focused he couldn’t possibly have a conversation.

 “Wow Kenny you beat Mike’s high score!! When did you get so good at baseball?”

“It’s just a hobby.”

“Like poetry?”

“Yeah.”

“Listen I’m still sorry about making fun of you for writing poems. But guess what?”

“What?”

“Remember that one time my family got tickets to Medieval Times and we didn’t invite you?”

“Ah yes, the fourth worst day of my life?”

“You rank them?”

“Yeah”

Dave was listening at the door of course and busted into the room. “You tell him yet Larry?”

“I was about to but then you came in”

“We got tickets to Medieval Times this Thursday Kenny.”

“Hey I was supposed to tell him!” Larry snapped.

“Really? You’re taking me this time?” Kenny got up and started making his way towards Dave to hug him. But then he remembered the rules. He turned to Larry and hugged him instead. Larry felt valid for once. They fangirled and started speaking in Middle English or something. Dave resigned.

 

********

 

Larry and Kenny were both excited for this. They hadn’t done something nerdy together in a while. Kenny had only been dating Joe for two weeks but once he was back with Larry he resumed being the embarrassing geek he was. In fact, Kenny and Larry were overdressed for the occasion.

The miserable employees tried to put on a happy face but behind Larry and Kenny’s backs the employees were making fun of them. Dave didn’t dress up but he faked excitement. When they got their crowns placed on their heads, Larry and Kenny both said "Thank you my lord." Then they stood around the pavilion squealing. They gazed at the replica swords that they couldn't legally buy. Dave said he wished he had one of those for Hillary.

Then they went in the hall of torture and looked at all the medieval torture devices. They stood and admired a chair covered with spikes. Dave crept up behind the boys and gave them the heebie jeebies, so they ran out of the room screaming. Dave had nothing else to give. He looked at the chair. “This would look great in Hillary’s room. Or our dining room.” No one laughed.

The boys then stood by the souvenir counter for a little too long staring at dragon figurines claiming that certain ones looked like celebrities. They argued over which one looked most like Smaug. Larry would have bought a dragon but the last time he went to Medieval Times he spent his entire monthly allowance.

In the pavilion, some kids were getting knighted by the king and queen. Larry and Kenny joined in on the "Hip hip hooray!" chants. Whilst being knighted, one kid shouted chants from the legend of King Arthur that only 5 people including Kenny and Larry could understand.

"That young knight's health bar must be enormous," Kenny whispered.

Larry giggled. Then the trumpets sounded above the entrance. Kenny and Larry were jumping up and down. My lords and ladies, it was starting. Dave was at the bar the entire time wondering which one of his majesty’s alcoholic beverages would get him through the night.

They got to their seats and soon enough some dragon’s breath (tomato soup) was served. Kenny started pulling plastic wrapped utensils out of his coat pocket. “I read in a yelp review that they don’t provide utensils so I came prepared.”

“But Kenny that defeats the purpose of the Medieval Times experience!” Larry snapped.

“Yea, I’m not really into the whole dying in my twenties from dysentery thing.”

“Wait what? How do you--”

“If you don’t mind me,” Dave reached over Larry and grabbed a set of utensils from Kenny. “Thank you my teenage son’s smarter gay best friend. That’s right everyone, feast your eyes on these puppies, you losers eating with your hands. No offense Larry.”

Larry pouted. But then he gave in and started unwrapping a spoon. The family sitting next to them was confused. They pulled their server aside and asked, “How come we didn’t get any utensils?”

The server approaches Larry and exclaims to the whole row, “What is this witchcraft I see before me? Be very careful or the village will see that you hang!”

"Y-yes my lord," Larry was shaking.

Kenny dropped his spoon.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that bro. Can you believe this guy?” Dave continued eating his soup with his forbidden plastic spoon, ignoring Larry’s now reddened face which could soon be flooded with tears.  

“Hey don’t worry about it, the worker’s just trying to spice up his shift.” Kenny puts a hand on Larry’s shoulder.

 “I guess you’re right. Wow this dragon’s breath is really good, I wonder how they killed the dragon.” Larry giggled.

A young girl next to them heard this and asked her mother if they really killed a dragon so they could feast on its blood. She started crying.

The king on his throne asked, “Has anybody got a birthday?” The queen started reading off the entire list of names. And the crowd was expected to clap for every single one.

"And let's give it up for Michael whose turning 5. Well done Michael," the queen cheered.

Dave was getting fed up. “Wow, five years old huh? Well done, Michael, you brave boy you,” he said sarcastically in between claps.

Then the real games commenced. Kenny and Larry passionately cheered on their yellow knight as he won a jousting tournament. This meant the yellow knight was to be given three roses to give to his people.

The knight throws the rose to the family next to Dave, but Dave—a baller and a big man—snatched it. “Hey!" The mom yells. "That was for my daughter!"

“Well if it was for your daughter maybe she should have caught it. She’d never survive in medieval times. This puppy’s for my son.” He handed the rose to Larry.

Larry felt awkward with the new attention he was receiving from the family who now hated him. He quickly decided to hand the rose to Kenny and whispered, "For you my lord."

Kenny was giggling too hard from Dave’s comments. He accepted the rose. "Thanks Lar." He couldn’t tell if Larry did this symbolically, if he was outing him, or just making an ass of himself.

The yellow knight keeps winning and Larry and Kenny are convinced they are bringing him good luck from some enchantment spell they chanted before the show began. The antagonist herald in the show gets whipped and exiled from the kingdom.

Dave couldn’t keep his mouth shut. "I’m starting to think I was born in the wrong time period. I whack you once with my hand and child protective services is at my door. I’m liking this medieval times.”

“Dad, stop.” Larry snaps.

After the show they met the yellow knight and forced Dave to take their picture. The knight got uncomfortable with the advanced references the boys were making so he told them he had to go get a full fortnight’s rest to defend the kingdom forever starting tomorrow. They got the message. They wore their paper crowns the entire ride home. Larry and Kenny fell asleep on each other and Dave finally got the peace and quiet he deserved.

When he got home, Kenny didn’t know what to do with the rose. He wanted to keep it because it was cute. But certainly his parents would find it and ask where or who he got it from. He put in a cup with some water before smiling himself to sleep.

 

********

 

So, you could say things were almost normal again between Kenny and Larry. They had lightsaber battles like they used to. They played chess, dungeons and dragons, and reenacted the signing of the Magna Carta like they always have. Larry did not suspect one bit that Kenny had anyone else in his life.

One day when they were hanging out, Larry popped the question again.

“Hey Kenny remember that time my family got tickets to Wicked and I invited Marla instead of you?”

“Oh yes, the third worst day of my life?”

“Oh my god. Seriously? I’m dying to know the first and second worst days of your life. When will you tell me?”

“You haven’t unlocked them yet.” The second worst day of his life was when Dylan broke up with him. The first is reserved for when he has to choose between Larry and Joe.

“Well anyways a high school two towns over is putting on a production of Wicked and I thought we could go check it out.”

“Sounds like a blast!” Kenny shouted. It wasn’t Broadway, but Larry was trying his bestpacito.

 

****

 

Lately, Kenny had spent way more time with Larry than Joe and Aaron. He was starting to get nervous, so he video chatted them.

Before anyone could speak, Kenny’s separation anxiety blurted out, “Joe do you still like me? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. Did I do something wrong please tell me--”

“Kenny, you’re the most precious thing in my life of course I still like you. Should we tell him?” Joe asked Aaron.

“Kenny we have been working on a surprise for you.”

“Oh? What’s up?”

“Our school is putting on a production of Wicked and I’m the lead.”

“I’m assistant director” Joe smiled.

“Oh my god…that’s great! I love Wicked!” he said in his Gay Panic voice. _Oh my god._ _Wait._

“We thought you’d like to come see us. Got any plans next Thursday, Friday, or Saturday?” Aaron asked.  

“Let me go check.” He quickly texted Larry asking what day they were seeing Wicked. _Friday_. “I can go Saturday.”

“Ohoho you’re a matinee man I see. Let me write that down and see if we can get you some VIP seats.” Joe snickered. 

Kenny was filled with anxiety. He felt like he was cheating on someone but he didn’t know who. He just has to pray that Aaron and Joe do not see him on Friday. And he also has to pray Larry doesn’t draw attention to himself like he always does.

 

****

 

Friday arrived and Kenny was filled with dread. He was so nervous he was almost nauseous. He couldn’t stand to look at the stage when Aaron was there. He couldn’t stand to hear his sweet angelic voice. His eyes nervously scanned the entire auditorium for Joe every 11 seconds. And to make it worse, each time Aaron sang, Larry complemented him.

“Can you imagine me playing Fiyero? Think I’d be pretty good.” Kenny couldn’t go on being silent anymore, he had to shut Larry up.

“Don’t you know it’s disrespectful to talk during a show? Didn’t you learn anything in the drama department?” Larry’s voice was snatched.

The moment final bows ended, Kenny grabbed Larry and raced out of the auditorium. “We have to beat the pedestrian traffic.” Larry was confused but wouldn’t dare question a seasoned musical-goer.

Kenny was silent as he sped to the bus stop. Larry was giving his input on the show the entire time. But soon enough he realized it was no fun when Kenny didn’t talk back.

“Kenny is everything ok you seem a bit heated about Wicked. Did the witch cast a spell on you or something?”

“I’m fine Lar. I just can’t believe you’ve seen Wicked twice and still can’t respect the wicked witch of the east.”

“Oh.”

“She came down in a bubble, Larry. Grow up.” Kenny snapped.

They got on their bus. Kenny resumed his angry Wicked rant. Why was Kenny this heated over Wicked? He kept rambling on about the how the school didn’t do the original cast justice and how the director changed crucial dialogue. Larry didn’t understand but it was cute listening to Kenny rant. He hadn’t heard him say this much in a while. Kenny was still ranting even after they got off at their stop. “I’m so tired of the typical actors that are always cast as--”

‘Enough!” Larry snapped. He kissed Kenny.

“What! What was that for?”

“Usually when my mom won’t shut up my dad kisses her and she’s quiet. You’re making a scene, Kenny.”

“It wasn’t a scene until you uh, did that…”

“Look, I don’t know what’s bothering you so much about the show but if it was that bad I’m sorry I took you! I personally thought it was a great production.”

Larry stormed home.

“What….wait so I have big mom energy?”

 

*******

 

Kenny rushed to his room, slammed the door and dialed Joe and Aaron.

“Hey I uh can’t make the show tomorrow. I uh got a D on my math quiz and I’m grounded.”

“That sucks, but hey don’t stress about it.”

“Aaron is someone filming it? Maybe one day we can watch it together on YouTube.”

“That would be sweet,” Kenny lied.  

“What was your math quiz on?”

“Uh..trig identities…” Kenny paused way too long. He hoped it was believable.

“Ugh hate those,” Aaron said.

“I miss you so much good night let me know when you’re done being grounded. I need to get my beauty sleep”

“Joe you aren’t even on stage in the show”

“An assistant director has to look his best. Aren’t you all for self-care Mr. Sage Hair Gel?”

Aaron choked.

“Is that true Aaron? Good night.” Kenny laughed.

“Sweet dreams Kenny.” Joe blew a kiss to his phone for Kenny.

 

****

 

The next day Kenny sat in bed miserable. He stared at his rose. It was dying but still looked promising. He decided to sniff it. Then he heard a knock on his door. He panicked and shoved the rose in his mouth.

Thankfully, the door didn’t open. “Kenny come get lunch!”

“Mhm,” is all he could manage to say. _What is wrong with me?_ He wiped his tears and went down to see his parents

“What happened to baseball Saturdays why are you here?”

“There’s players on the team involved with the school play so they changed practice”

“To when?”

“Uh, tomorrow.” He gulped.

“Good. How come you haven’t played in a game yet? I want to be proud of my All American baseball playing son.”

“I sit on the bench. I’m just backup. I’m working on it though.”

After lunch, he texted Joe. “Talked to my dad I’m ungrounded and kind of said I was playing baseball tomorrow…”

“Guess you’ll be my date at Aaron’s Superbowl Party?”

“His what?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you tomorrow.”


	7. Superbowl Party

That night, Kenny had a nightmare. He couldn’t exactly make out where he was, but he and Joe were in some sort of escape room? Some weird arcade game? Virtual reality? It looked like the inside of a Tardis, but extremely small and cramped. There were mysterious controls and gauges all around them. Maybe they were in an airplane? No. There wasn’t a window in front of them. A submarine? Perhaps. There were some torpedo looking things on the walls. Sirens were going off and red flashing lights. “Hello, Kenny? Calling all boys!” Joe was yelling at him. He seemed angry, probably because they were Under Pressure.mp3. Joe continued shouting, but Kenny didn’t understand a thing he was saying. If this was just a game, why was Joe so heated?

Kenny woke up and wrote this in his journal. He didn’t want to go back to sleep after that, but after fifteen minutes of being awake, exhaustion forced him to sleep well past lunch time. He attempted to work on homework during the countdown to seeing Joe again.

This time Joe picked Kenny up instead of Aaron. Kenny was startled. He wasn't sure whether he could trust Joe behind the wheel.

Kenny spent the last few hours pacing back and forth trying to plan what he was going to say to Joe, how he was going to explain everything racing through his mind. But when asked "what's up?" he went silent and tears just ran down his face.

Joe panicked because he never faced this type of driving distraction before. Joe started repeating, "It's alright, it's alright now," but it seemed to have no effect because it wasn’t alright yet. Joe then turned to humor to distract Kenny from whatever was making him cry. "That turn is a MESS! YOU STUPID IDIOTS!" Joe yelled at the other cars. "That turtle came out of nowhere, jeez! I can’t believe they turned Mario Karts into a real thing."

Kenny looked up, confused at first because there was no turtle on the road. They lived in the suburbs. Joe continued ranting.

"Sugar honey iced tea! It’s princess bitch again looking to race me. Look, she’s holding a cigarette out the window. She better not drop it, that’s fucking littering. Oh My God she’s about to drop it, she can’t hear me! Oh my god she has airpods in, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Kenny wiped his tears and laughed in between sniffles, slowly recovering. But the underlying feeling that he was a coward and a problematic mess still bothered him. 

They were soon parked near Aaron’s house. They get out of the car and Kenny begins to cross the street, but Joe grabs his arm and pulls him in the opposite direction.

"Are we really ok now? There's a lot of grown ass men in there and I don't want them to see you crying. Because one, it's embarrassing and two, being asked 'why are you crying?' will make you cry even more."

"I'm sorry I don't know what happened. It just happened. I just wanted to tell you something but I couldn't."

"If it hurts, it can wait. We're not going in until you're okay. Breathe for me Kenny." He embraced Kenny in silence, waiting for him to give the ok to let go.

Kenny didn’t want to let go of Joe, like ever, but after three minutes, Kenny had to end it. "I guess there's no crying allowed in football?" he asked.

"No. Hanx forbid it. Are you ready to meet your future father in law?"

"What!"

"Just kidding. How hetero of me. Have you ever even watched football before?"

Kenny scoffed, "Are you kidding I'm a football fanatic!"

"Liar. Me too. Let's go. I need you to be stronger than the U.S. Marines ok, are you ready for it?"

"Um I think so."

"I SAID ARE YOU READY FOR IT!"

"Yes chief!" Kenny saluted.

“Baby let the games begin,” Joe started singing as he sprinted across the street. Kenny followed.

Kenny was nervous upon seeing the mass of football fanatics inside. Aaron got up excitedly when he saw Kenny and went over to pat him on the back.

“Kenny thanks for coming,” he said.

"Hey Aaron is this your new buddy you talk about?" one of the adults with a real thick accent approached the boys.

"Yes dad this is Kenny," Aaron confirmed.

"Nice to meet you sir," Kenny went for a handshake.

"Ah come here you," the man half hugged Kenny with one arm, "Welcome to the family."

One of Joe and Aaron’s teammates, Garby, was also there.

"Hi Kenny," Garby said as the boys joined him next to the television.

"Hi Garby," Kenny greeted.

Then there was Joe's dad was with another man named Tony. Joe’s dad came over to the boys and announced, "Tony brought some zizza. Make sure you boys have some, especially you, Joe. Aaron, you remember Joe's 11th birthday when his grandma couldn't come because she was in the hospital and he threw a fit and said "so no fuckin ziti?"”

Kenny was looking at Joe’s expression for confirmation of this event.

"Oh yes it never gets old," Aaron smiled.

"Dad shut up you're embarrassing me," Joe’s face was red. And to Kenny, it was cute. All of it. Joe’s entire existence.

"Ok I'll leave you cool cats alone," Joe’s dad offered.

"Wait! You haven't met Kenny," Aaron stopped him.

Kenny got up to shake hands again but he got pulled into another hug. "Famiglia!” Joe’s dad exclaimed, “Kenny make sure my boy gets his zizza, I’m counting on you champ." He shook his hand before floating around the room.

"Yes sir…Zizza?" Kenny asked.

"Where have you been living? Under a rock?" Joe snapped.

"Zizza is a combination of ziti, which is a type of pasta, and pizza. Although the pasta on the pizza is penne and not ziti, we call it zizza because it is much more fun to say than penne vodka pizza. However, zizza also refers to baked ziti pizza, which is something entirely different, of course. Pizzerias hardly differentiate between the two, which makes ordering zizza risky."

"Wow, ok. Thank you Garby." Kenny didn’t know how to process this information.

"No problem it's why I’m here. Feel free to ask me any question." Garby added.

Then, Mysterious Tony came around. “Kenny my son, put this on.” He handed him a jersey. It was a Giants jersey with the words “Brady Sucks” stitched, not printed, on the back. “It belongs to Tony Jr. but the coward didn’t want to be here. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Joe looked at Kenny with a glare that said “you have no choice, you have to do it.” So Kenny put the jersey on as Tony commanded. “Thanks,” he said. Tony walked away. “Go Giants!” Kenny added. 

“The Giants aren’t playing, Kenny.” Aaron covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

“Oh my god.” Kenny covered his own mouth. Joe was covering his eyes with his hands, faking disappointment in his boyfriend.

Garby left and came back with zizza for everyone.

“I figured I’d get a head start. It’s basically Black Friday for the zizza industry tonight.”

“Thanks Garby,” Aaron said, because someone had to say it.

The football game was already on but the room was barely paying attention. The four boys just sat around the snack table. Kenny was holding a tortilla chip like a cigarette, too afraid to touch his slice of zizza because he intended on using a knife and fork to eat it. He hadn’t yet learned The Way and he was embarrassed to ask Aaron for utensils.

Instead he asked, "Why is the guy with the headset reading fanfiction?"

Joe choked on his zizza before responding, "Actually it's a Denny's menu."

"Joseph please. You and I both know it's a play card filled with every possible call that could be made and every move the coaches could make" Garby explained.

"Thanks Garby," Kenny said it this time.

"If you need anything Kenny, I’m here," Garby reassured.

"So uh, is this the game people watch for commercials?" Kenny asked.

"Yea, this is it chief. Have you seen the Danny DeVito one?" Aaron interjected.

"No."

"Aw, baby's first Super bowl" Joe squealed. He grabbed Kenny’s hand and squeezed it.

“Shut up,” Kenny panics and snatches his hand away. It felt illegal in this setting.

He leans into Joe and whispers, “Are you out yet?”

“Not officially. But I think they suspect me and Aaron have been lovers for years.”

“Well are the rumors true?  Asking for a friend…it’s me, the friend.”

Joe dodges the question. “Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to. Eat your zizza before I make you.”

“C-can I have a fork?”

“Kenny I love you, but you have to take this one like a man.”

Kenny slowly lifted the slice of zizza. The pressure increases as the entire pack of men start crowding around the tv.

"Aaron it's starting!" his dad calls.

“Sorry to leave during Kenny’s first zizza, but the Boss calls.” Aaron gets up and joins the huddle of dads.

“What?” Kenny is confused.

_“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ARE YOU READY FOR THE HEART STOPPING…LEGENDARY E-STREET BAND.”_

The dads are punching each other’s arms, squealing, pointing at the tv. Then, the silhouette of two men appears. Everyone’s breath is taken away.

“Who-” Kenny asks. Joe shushes him before getting up to join Aaron and the dads.

_“FOR THE NEXT TWELVE MINUTES WE’RE GONNA BRING THE RIGHTEOUS AND MIGHTY POWER OF THE E-STREET BAND INTO YOUR BEAUTIFUL HOME!”_

"Mine?" Aaron asked, pointing at himself. Bruce Springsteen was talking directly to him, and it was too good to be true.

_"I WANT YOU TO STEP BACK FROM THE GUACAMOLE DIP!”_

The men did as Bruce asked. They all bumped into each other, knocking into furniture as they tried to distance themselves from the snack table.

_"I WANT YOU TO PUT THE CHICKEN FINGERS DOWN!"_

Garby was the only one holding a chicken finger, so naturally he dropped it on the floor, honey mustard and all. "Boss’s orders," Garby justified. He did the sign of the cross "I’m so sorry Boss, won’t happen again."

_“AND TURN YOUR TELEVISION ALL THE WAY UP!”_

“Joseph the remote!” his dad called. Joe frantically put the volume on the highest it could go.

" _IS THERE ANYBODY ALIVE OUT THERE?”_

"No!" Aaron cries.

Joe wasn't breathing. Kenny was scared of whatever ritual was taking place. The tv was too loud so he got up, took his plate of zizza and started backing towards the kitchen.

But, then Mr. Springsteen slut dropped on the microphone, causing Kenny to drop his zizza and gasp.  Aaron saluted to the tv while the others screamed.

"There it fuckin is!" Tony yelled, wiping tears from his eyes.

“ _THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART!”_

Everyone started shushing each other. Garby decided to take notes in his college ruled notepad. The words "kid you better get the picture," were circled and surrounded with question marks.

"Mr. Clemons, what picture! Please tell me, I'm begging." Garby took out his phone and started taking pictures of the tv screen so he wouldn't miss any critical footage.

Kenny was speechless. He felt that if he moved he would be zapped instantly. He listed, tried to understand what a Tenth Avenue Freezer was, and attempted to figure out what Mr. Springsteen was born to run from. It all must be important since Joe abandoned him for it. Kenny was so confused, he didn’t even feel hurt.

Soon, all of the men in the room had their arms around each other singing "I'm working on a dream." They were so mesmerized by the Boss, they didn't notice Joe leave their huddle to take Kenny by the hand.

"You never been to a Springsteen rave before?" Joe noticed the shock on Kenny’s face.

"Nope. You’re watching me lose my virginity."

"Isn’t this romantic?"

“ _I’M WORKING ON A DREAM AND I KNOW WE CAN MAKE IT REAL SOME DAY_ "

Joe grabbed Kenny by the jersey, led him behind the huddle of men, and kissed him hard. This time, Kenny didn’t resist.

At this moment, Garby decided to take a selfie with the entire room. Unbeknownst to him was that the selfie had a clear view of the kiss. He immediately dropped his phone after taking the photo, since the whole room started conga lining to Glory Days.

“Come on,” Joe dragged Kenny into the conga line, right behind Aaron. Joe lightly tapped Kenny’s ass, assuring that Super bowl Sunday became Kenny’s favorite holiday. 

However, towards the end of the song, the Comcast cable started acting up.

"I swear I have it recording on DVR, it will be on YouTube soon its ok!" Aaron was panicking. The groans and curses of the dads was stressing him out.

" _STEVE I THINK IT’S QUITTIN TIME_ "

" _SAY IT AIN’T SO BABY_ "

"Mr. Springsteen please don't leave us," Garby kneeled in front of the tv. "Be not afeared, everyone he's gonna get a delay of game!" Garby advised.

The dads started chanting, "Delay of Game!"

"I bet Romostradamous told him that one," Joe rolled his eyes.

Kenny just had to ask, "Who?"

"Don’t worry about it." Joe answered.

" _STEVE WHAT TIME IS IT?”_

The cable went out and the room was in red alert.

However, Aaron knew what was about to be said. "IT'S BOSS TIME!" he yelled.

And as if Romostradamous heard, the cable came back, and the dads lifted Aaron into the air as if he was about to crowd surf. But the Boss had to leave.

_“I’M GOIN TO DISNEYLAND!”_

"Dad did you hear that?" Aaron cried.

"We can't afford it Aaron."

_"The National Football League thanks you for watching the halftime show!"_

"No, no, it's my pleasure," Garby says, saluting the tv. "The game is back on," he informed everyone.

"Who gives a fuck!" Tony shouted. He marched into the kitchen to get tissues.

"All I'm saying is if we leave right now we can be there in 3 days’ time," Aaron pleaded.

"Aaron we're not going to fucking fantasyland," his dad snaps.

"But the Boss said!"

"Dummy it's a figure of speech!"

Because a Superbowl Party is where you take your anger out on Tom Brady, not your own son, Joe’s dad comes to the rescue and interrupts. "You know what, Aaron, how about instead, your dad and I let you kids go to the Shore for prom weekend like you always wanted?" he offers.

"Wait seriously?" Joe appeared. "Are you drunk?"

"A-Asbury P-parkk?" Aaron stutters.

Joe’s dad nods. Aaron takes Joe’s hands, and they start squealing and jumping up and down.

But then Joe snaps back to reality and remembers Kenny, the poor boy who just witnessed his first Bruce rave.

"So, your dad really believes you're playing baseball on a Superbowl Sunday?"

"I don't know what he believes anymore."

"We should get you home then."

They went around and said their goodbyes. Aaron was still so horny on main from the Bruce performance he hugged Kenny goodbye. "Thanks for coming," he whispered in Kenny’s ear. Kenny was sweating.

"Careful Aaron," Joe warned. “Now dad probably thinks we do threesomes,” he mumbled to himself. Kenny heard this but he held his breath.

Kenny got hugs from all the dads he met earlier. What a culture shock. Garby patted Kenny on the back and shook his hand. Then the couple could finally leave.

"Joe thanks for...everything. I know this was last minute and all."

"As the humble Chick Fila employee says, it’s _my_ pleasure." Kenny had never been to Chick Fila so he didn’t get it.

As they get in the car, Joe reveals, "This sucks. I wish I didn't have to leave you alone night after night after night as Bruce would say. Friday’s so far away."

"What if we just didn’t go home?"

"Don’t be ridiculous. You'd wake up tomorrow and hate yourself for not getting enough sleep."

"It would be worth it if it meant spending more time with you."

"Oh, you're so cute I wish I didn't have to drive with two hands so I could hold yours."

Kenny puts his hand Joe’s thigh because what else is he supposed to do.

“Sir, you are, how do you say, distracting me?”

Kenny pulls his hand back. “Sorry.”

After an extremely long moment of silence for Joe’s driving, they arrive at Kenny’s house. Joe gets out of the car to kiss his boyfriend goodnight.

"Woah be careful," Kenny pulls back.

"I thought you were already out? Plus everyone’s watching the Superbowl, don’t worry."

"I guess. You're right. Wait I forgot the jersey!"

"You know what, keep it. Tony won’t mind. You look cute in Tom Brady hate attire. In fact you're starting to look like me."

"Who is Tom Brady?"

"Some Botoxed buffoon who's never eaten a strawberry, or so I’ve been told."

"Is he hot though?"

"Yes, I'd suck his dick, goodnight." Joe tapped Kenny’s ass as he turned away. "Buenas noches Tom Brady!"

"Oh my god!" Kenny gasped, and pretended to ignore the whole incident. "What do I say about the jersey though?"

"Tony Romo will tell you," Joe slammed his door shut and drove away. Kenny wasn’t going to ask. He was extremely confused but he still entered his house smiling.

"Where were you?" Dad asked. Kenny couldn’t lie, not while he was wearing a football jersey.

"I was invited to a Super bowl party."

"And you came home before it ended? Tell me where were you really?"

"I was really there."

"Was it at Larry’s house?"

"No, Aaron's."

"Why did you lie?"

"I didn’t think you would believe me."

"Kenny I saw you kissing that boy outside. I know you don't play baseball. You think you do by association."

"Fine. I'm dating a baseball player. Are you going to kick me out again? I’ll tell him to turn around and pick me up."

"Go to bed."

Joe is around the block when he realizes what he just done. He left his boyfriend defenseless. He drove past the house to see if he could hear yelling or worse, find Kenny running away. Thankfully, none of this was happening.

Joe dialed Kenny, "Are you inside ok?"

"Yes Joe I’m fine. My dad saw us kiss though."

"And? What did he say?"

"He just told me to go to bed, I guess he hasn't decided my punishment yet."

"Call me if anything bad happens."

"Thanks, I will."

“Wait look out your window!”

“Yeah?”

“Do you see me?”

“Yes.” He blew a kiss to Joe from the window Joe catches it and drives off.

When Joe gets home, he texts Stephy and Alyssa and asks them to comfort Kenny in school this week. “Just keep an eye on him, ok? And don’t ask if there’s anything wrong. It might trigger him.”


	8. The Treaty of Long Island

Monday after school, Stephy and Alyssa “randomly” decided to join chess club. Kenny was startled at first, but he liked the comfort of friendly faces. In fact, the girls kept beating Larry at chess, and Kenny enjoyed watching Larry sweat in frustration. But sometimes, they let Larry win to hide up the fact that Kenny taught the girls all his chess weaknesses.

Friday came surprisingly fast, but Kenny was hardly free from Larry. They were assigned the unavoidable high school baby project, so after school on Friday they went shopping for unnecessary baby supplies in Walmart. They found matching hot pink toy strollers on rollback. Of course, they soon got distracted and goofed around in the sunglasses section.

“Try these on,” Larry hands Kenny a pair of aviators, “You look like a Mr. Bad guy.”

“I’ve got it” Kenny says.

“Got what?”

“Put these on,” he hands Larry heart shaped sunglasses. 

“What am I your sugar baby?” Larry puts them on anyways, “I’m like the heart eye emoji or like Lana Del Rey haha.”

Kenny made a mental note that Larry might have a daddy kink, but he wasn’t one to jump to conclusions. He had to try not to scream in the Walmart. They put the sunglasses back and walk to the massive $5 movie bin.

“I bet there’s at least one copy of Bee Movie in there,” Larry says.

“There’s no way.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Are we doing Walmart bets again?”

“I think so, you’re on!”

They both get to work, shoving their arms as far as they can into the movie bin, bringing dvds to the surface and shoving the rest aside. Soon enough, they’re both panting.

“I can’t find anything besides the damn Happy Feet two disc combo!” Larry exclaims.

“Yea this sucks!” Kenny adds.

“Ok you win the bet. Let’s go put the cd section in reverse alphabetical order!”

“Ok! I call A through F.”

“Dammit!”

Kenny carefully placed all the Cher cds in front, disobeying the reverse alphabetical order rule. Larry didn’t seem to notice. Kenny didn’t feel like doing the rest so he checked his phone. 15 texts and 2 missed calls from Joe. _FUCK._

Kenny drifted away from the cd aisle and called Joe.

“Hey how come you didn’t answer my texts, are you ok? You’re still coming to watch me and Aaron perform tonight right? Are you breaking up with me? Is it because I’m lactose intolerant!” Joe sobbed.

“Joe relax, I’m in Walmart shopping for baby supplies.”

“Oh my god you have a baby! I’m on my way!  Aaron did you hear that, he has a fucking baby, we gotta go!”

“Joe calm down it’s a school project. You don’t have to come over.”

“I don’t care, it’s an excuse to see you!”

“Oh. Well in that case, see you soon.”

“What happened?” Aaron asked.

“EVERYTHING!” Joe screamed before hanging up.

Kenny panicked. He had to get out of the Walmart. Joe and Aaron would be at his door in 15 minutes, that is, if Aaron was driving. Joe would be there in 10.

“Larry, I gotta go soon, my cousin is coming over for dinner and my parents want me home.”

“We haven’t picked out our babies yet.”

“Let’s each get a sack of flour and call it a day.”

“Ok!”

At the checkout counter, Larry asks, “What are you gonna name yours?”

“I don’t know yet. What about you?”

“Guinevere or William…Guilliam in the meantime. It hasn’t decided its gender yet.”

“Oh, so like Shakespeare?”

“You know it!”

They put their sacks of flour in their newly purchased strollers and walked home. “Well good luck with Fatherhood, Kenny.”

Kenny ran into his house, dropped his baby, and sprinted around looking for a vacuum to make sure the house was clean for Joe and Aaron. “Mom I have friends coming over!” he shouted over the vacuum.

“Larry?” his mom shouted back.

“No, my baseball friends Aaron and Joe.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“It just came up, they won’t stay long though.”

“Is it the boys you kissed?”

“Oh…dad told you?”

“Kenny you don’t have to lie to me. I’m not like your father. I accept you.”

Kenny turned off the vacuum. “You’re serious?”

“Yes.” They hugged. The doorbell rang. Several times. Kenny’s mom took the vacuum so he could answer the door.

“Where’s the baby!” Joe demanded.

Kenny frantically looked around for the sack of flour he misplaced and picked it up. “Here it is. Meet baby!”

“Hi boys,” Kenny’s mom entered the room.

“You’re a Grandmother now!” Joe pointed at her, then approached her to give her a hug.

“Joe stop, oh my god. Sorry we came unannounced. We heard Kenny had a baby and wanted to bring it a gift.” Aaron said.

“You are?” she asked.

“Joe.”

“I’m Aaron,” he shook her hand.

Kenny’s face was hot. This couldn’t have gone any worse.

“Kenny, your friends are funny. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Did you name it yet?” Joe asked.

“No. not yet.”

"It looks like me so let’s name it Joe IV, Fourth king of the fourth king," Joe suggested.

 "I don’t want to force gender upon my own child. Also it doesn’t even have a face yet," Kenny replied.

“Joe I can confirm you share nothing in common with the sack of flour except the fact that you’re white,” Aaron said.

"You know what, I’ll draw a face on it, but I don’t think I’ll get your eyebrows right, Joe." Kenny said.

Kenny grabbed a pen from his shirt pocket and drew **:3** on the sack of flour.

“Oh my god! It looks just like you!” Joe screamed.  Kenny then drew perfectly creased eyebrows. “Oh my god it looks like…us.”

Aarons started laughing, "Wait Kenny put the baby under your shirt, I’ll do my Michael Buble impression."

Kenny listens.  Aaron crouches down and put his ear up to the sack under Kenny’s shirt and starts singing Haven’t Met You Yet. Kenny can’t help laughing.

Joe did not see this as a laughing matter. He snaps, "Oh my god you're suffocating my fucking child!" He whacks Aaron in the back of his head and grabs the baby from Kenny’s shirt. He cuddles it and rocks it back and forth, saying “Shh don’t cry. It’s alright now.”

Aaron, at this point snorting, exclaims, "How the fuck are YOU going to breastfeed it? Isn't it too old?"

"Well maybe if SOMEONE stopped skirting his responsibilities and fed his god child I wouldn't have to!"

Kenny was laughing so hard he couldn’t open his eyes.

“Anyways we gotta go now, congratulations on fatherhood. Both of you, I guess.” Aaron said.

“Wait the gift!” Joe remembered. He pulled out a little red joker hat from his pocket.

“It used to be mine.” Aaron revealed.

“You really didn’t have to.”

“Joe insisted.”

“Yes, I insist. Also I want your baby to be the best dressed one so you get an A.”

“That’s not how it works but thanks guys. Have fun tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Damn I wish you could come. We’re doing Somebody to Love tonight.” Joe says.

“Can you Instagram live it?” Kenny asks.

“Yea I’ll make Garby do it.” Aaron offers.

“Aaron no please he’s gonna commentate the whole thing!” Joe whines.

“That’s fine. As long as I get to see you.” Kenny hugged his friends goodbye. They were about to leave when Kenny clicks his tongue and says, “Well aren’t you going to kiss your son Tony Romo II goodbye?”

“Holy shit. How could I forget?” Joe races over to the baby.

“Joe is gonna kiss Tony Romo on the lips,” Aaron wheezed.

Joe lifted up his flour son. “Everything your eyeballs touches is yours, ok?”

“Get out of here.” Kenny kissed Joe while pushing him out the door.

 

***

 

Kenny decided to call Larry late that night after watching some of Garby’s Instagram live.

"Hows your child developing Kenny?"

"I think if I play Michael Buble for it every night at 7:00 it will turn out fine. Yours?"

"When I brought Gwilym home, Mike and Hillary's friend took it and started playing catch with it in the backyard. I was screaming but then my dad yelled at both of them and took the baby back inside and locked Mike and Brenda out of the house. It was epic.”

"Your dad's a hero."

"I guess. Did you name yours yet?"

“Uh yea, I named it Tony, like Mark Antony.”

“I guess Guinevere is gonna fight Cleopatra then. Imagine King Arthur at war with the Roman Empire!”

“What?”

“My dad’s calling me, goodnight” Larry hung up without explaining.

Kenny looked around for a moment trying to make sense of Larry but he couldn’t, so he pulled up the livestream of Aaron’s concert. Baby Tony was propped up on Kenny’s desk next to him (joker hat and all) and watched as Kenny pulled out his sketchbook and started drawing Joe playing the bass. He started to doze off on his incomplete drawing and decided to go to sleep. He tucked Baby Tony in next to him and dreamt of all of the things that could happen between him and Joe tomorrow.

 

***

 

Joe insisted on picking up Kenny again. Except this time, it was just starting to snow. Another driving distraction for Joe. "Oh my god we're going to die in this car!" Kenny thought out loud.

"Relax we'll be fine." Joe insisted.

"I know you said to relax. But I'm not gonna do that. You’re gonna say something dumb like--"

Joe wasn’t paying attention. He was starting a facetime with Aaron, “You’ll never believe I just saw this snowflake that looked like a—OH MY GOD IT WASN’T A SNOWFLAKE!” He honked the horn.

"That's it." Kenny called Stephy and Alyssa and asked them to come. Alyssa made Joe pull over and step out of his car so she could drive it. Kenny and Joe got into the back seats like cowards.

The windows were cold, so Kenny and Joe drew pictures in them with their fingers.

"What are you drawing?" Kenny asked.

"Well I drew my car that I’m not driving, in the window of my car, which I’m currently not driving thanks to you." Joe responded.

"There’s a baby on board so I had to put his safety first, ok?” Kenny said.

“You’re right. What did you draw?”

 “A smiley face."

"Draw one on my face?"

Kenny leans over and kisses Joe, causing him to smile and blush. Just like the first time.

Sitting between them was their flour sack son Tony, seat belted in.  Alyssa came to a hard stop and Tony slipped.

"Oh my god I’m so sorry I don’t have a car seat!" Joe cried.

"Joe, it’s a sack of flour," Kenny reassured.

"We really should have gotten a baby sitter instead of subjecting Baby Tony to these harsh conditions."

"Joe it’s flour!"

"I’m such a bad parent!" Joe sobbed.

“Joe shut up!” Kenny lightly smacks him in the face. “Even when you’re not driving you’re still driving me nuts! Sometimes you make me want to walk into oncoming traffic.”

“You love it.”

“You’re absolutely right.” They kiss again.

“Aw was this our first fight?” Joe asks.

Alyssa adjusts the mirror. “This is so singlephobic. Get an Airbnb you two.”

 

***

 

When they got to the house, tater tots were prepared for lunch. Joe squirted ketchup on his plate in the shape of a smiley face. Well he tried to, with one hand because he held Kenny’s hand under the table with the other.

“We can literally see your greasy hand holding like why are you hiding it?” Rogerina snapped.

“Alyssa’s couplephobic.” Joe snapped.

“Oh my god I was kidding!” Alyssa gasped. Rogerina grabbed her hand under the table.

Joe let go of Kenny’s hand so he could start trying to throw tots in Aaron’s mouth. None of his attempts succeeded.

“This is the worst hibachi I’ve ever been to,” Kenny says. He’d never been to a hibachi but this is what he imagined it was like. Rogerina spit her drink.

After lunch, they sat in the living room and turned on the tv. Aaron flipped through channels, and settled on some superhero cartoon.

“Kenny you like comics right?” he asked.

“Yes…why?”

“I feel like we never do things you like.”

“Yes tell me what’s happening right now.” Joe demands.

Kenny explains what Venom is, who Anti Venom and Agent Venom and what they have to do with Flash Thompson. Joe can't follow along. "Is that dark spiderman?" Kenny continues to explain, confidently but with an underlying feeling that no one really cared.

Joe didn’t know what Kenny was saying but he was proud of his mans for knowing so much so he put his arm around Kenny and pulled him closer. "Can we watch Ratatouille?" he begged.

"Again?" Aaron asked.

Joe scoffed as if it were an absurd question used to make him look bad. "It’s been so long, please?"

"Yes Mr. Mozzarella."

"Shut it Mr. Taylor Ham Pork Roll, whatever your name is!"

Aaron put the sack of flour in his lap as the movie started because Kenny was trying to lay down with his head on Joe’s lap. He’d never seen Ratatouille, nor did he care about an animated rat chef. But he loved the attention Joe was giving him, looking down into his eyes and patting his head (while reciting the entire movie of course).

“I killed a man, with _this_ thumb,” Joe put his thumb in front of Kenny’s eyeballs.  

"Would you feed the rat kingdom a zizza?" Kenny asked.

"I’d give Remy all my money to open a damn ratzerria,” Joe replied.

 

***

 

Rogerina was busy upstairs running a business with her girls. They sold themselves as dates for money because they were sick of doing it for free. Most of the money would go to different GoFundMe’s. Rogerina kept some of her money to start an Etsy shop in the future. She also set some money aside to take Alyssa and Stephy on a date to an expensive Thai restaurant called 1013.

The snow stopped halfway through the movie and everyone decided to help outside. Kenny was in charge of putting salt down because he was considered the "guest" but he offered to shovel. Joe told him to sit back and watch the old guys sweat. Plus there weren’t enough shovels. The girls cleaned off everyone’s cars. Rogerina decided to make the miserable task fun by throwing a snowball at Aaron’s back. However, he was basically asleep, so he did not react.  The girls giggled before throwing another snowball and ducking behind Joe’s car across the street.

“Joe knock it off.” Aaron says.

“What? You want me to stop shoveling? Fine. In fact, I’d be honored.”

“Oh no, I thought you threw snow at me.”

Joe spotted the top of Rogerina’s head behind his car.

“Oh let’s go!” He dropped his shovel to make a snowball. Despite aiming it above the car, he threw it right at the window. It went through. No sound of shattering or breaking glass. No car alarm. “What the fuck!” Joe yelled.

Aaron didn’t see this incident play out but he knew what had happened. “She put down your window because she knew you would have broken it. She’s not dumb you know,” he explained. “Now get back to work so we can go inside.”

“But I’m at war!”

“I can take over,” Kenny offered.

Alyssa threw a snowball and this time it hit Kenny. Accidentally, of course.  

“Sorry Aaron but I’m joining up,” Kenny said.  While Kenny and Joe were distracted making snowballs behind Aaron’s car for cover, Aaron miserably took the rock salt and put it down himself.  

“Have fun knocking each other’s brains out.” Aaron yeeted both shovels and went inside.  He made himself a hot cup of tea with a lemon wedge and placed a chair nearby the front window to watch all his friends fight in the snow like children. But by the time he opened the blinds, the fighting had stopped and both sides were shaking hands.

Aaron grunted. He got up, opened the front door and yelled out, “The fuck happened?”

“We made a peace treaty” Kenny replied.

“Why?”

“Fighting is for children,” Rogerina said.

“Nonsense, it’s for adults too!” Aaron steps on the porch, grabs some snow, and pathetically throws it at the group standing in the street.

“He’s right. The Treaty of Long Island is a plot to weaken us. Kenny let’s retreat.” Joe says.

“Better hurry before the girls and I start rapid fire!” Rogerina snapped.

“Oh God not rapid fire!” Joe grabs Kenny’s arm and they hop along in the snow to their spot. Kenny didn’t want to get hit in the face with a snowball so he made the snowballs and handed them for Joe to throw. But they were outnumbered.

“I can’t hold them off any longer!” Joe yelled. Snowballs were rapidly flying over their heads and onto the sidewalk Aaron just shoveled and salted.

“Joe my hands are numb.”

“I thought you were wearing gloves.”

“I am.”

Joe took off Kennys gloves and rubbed Kenny’s hands in between his own. He then placed Kenny’s gloves back on his fingers, and tried doubling them up with his own. It wasn’t working.

“Why don’t we just surrender?” Kenny asked. “I’m scared of girls who are athletically inclined.”

“Surrender? Haven’t you ever heard of gay pride? Have some! We don’t lose!”

Joe decided to scream as he made a snowball and got up to throw it across the street. However, before firing, another snowball whacked him right in the face and he fell back.

“OK I highly suggest we reconsider the Treaty of Long Island.” He wiped some snow out of his eyes, got up, and shouted across the street, “We surrender!” Joe even pulled a red cloth out of his coat pocket and started waving it. “Do you hear the people sing!”

“Cowards!” Rogerina yelled. “Fine!” They all got out from behind their forts and shook hands in the street.

“Joe did I hurt you? I’m so sorry baby boy.” Rogerina wiped snow from his face.

“I mean I’m crying but like it’s fine.”

They went inside to find that Aaron had hot chocolate already made for them. “Welcome home troops,” he said as they took off their jackets.

Baby Tony was propped on a chair with a sippy cup of milk. Kenny could combust. They all sat in a circle.

“I know this is hot chocolate, but Kenny what’s the tea? I want full Darjeeling. No Cornwall.”

Kenny went through everything that happened starting with the poem. His coming out story. Living in Larry’s house. The kiss. Albany. Medieval Times. Wicked. He couldn’t tell if Larry was still straight or completely in love with him.

“Sounds like you need some reinforcements,” Rogerina said.

So, the gang came up with a plan. Alyssa and Stephy were to ask Larry and Kenny on a double date and see how Larry acts.

“If he shows no interest in my girls then he’s full homo,” Rogerina explained.

Kenny felt awful doing this but everyone reassured him. Wouldn’t Larry come up with a scheme this grand? After all Larry did change his name to Gideon to reinvent himself on the first day of junior year. And he did borrow Kenny’s telescope to spy on a woman in his own house. And he did live on the streets and beg for money when his parents stopped giving him an allowance. Kenny had a right to do something ridiculous as well. 

“Let’s make this date for…shall we say, Galentine’s day?”

“Don’t we already have plans Rog?” Alyssa asked.

“We can do those on Saturday. I’ve cancelled your other dates.”

“Dammit! Are we still getting paid for this?” Stephy asked.

“Girls I’m ashamed of you. Is Kenny not a dear friend?”

“Let me pay,” Kenny offers.

“We’re kidding, Kenny.” Alyssa reassures.

"Fuck" Rog shouts! She forgot to cancel her Galentine’s day date with Garby. He already paid, and he was a good friend, so she couldn’t refund him now.

 

***

 

That week at school, Alyssa and Stephy went to chess club and asked the boys if they wanted to “catch dinner or something.”

“Oh that sounds fun what do you think, Lare?” Kenny asked nervously. The plotters of the date made eye contact. If Larry said no, then Kenny got his confirmation that he wasn’t interested in girls.  

“When are you gals free?” Larry asks excitedly.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every now and then someone accidentally reinvents spongebob. This time it happened to be me. I'm sorry you're still reading this.


End file.
